Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   a voice in his head. I ask it yes and no questions, and it answers

   Acute Gout Attack!! - The Vegetarian's Revenge!

   The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application.

   the only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.

   I tried the Facebook Friend Finder and it showed me all the people who deleted me, I think its a tad bit faulty or should be renamed!

   thinks it's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

   If the world really was going to end in 2012, the bankers would find some way to "stall" it....they ain't going to let people get away with not paying their 25 year mortgages.

   If your password is "password" then that is not the only thing I know about you.

   What could be worse than being a "people of walmart?" Getting busted taking a picture of one. Damn flash!

   Not to doubt the power of fortune cookies, but I think a better fortune would of been you are about to choke on this cookie

   If it's worth it, fight for it & if you lose it, at least you tried.

   The Guinness in the refrigerator is calling my name with a drunken slur.

   the guy changing my oil this morning said he had earrings just like mine. LOL

   Driving school wouldn't be so bad if cops started giving tickets to all the hot girls they pull over.

   Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

   thinking of exercising with this NY Detox but, I think I get enough of that by fighting sleep, jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, running ragged, dodging responsibilty and pushing my luck.

   Happy National Nothing Day!

   I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me...

   Ilistening to country music and reminiscing about all of the bad things. . . all of the sad things that never happened to me.

   Taking it to the streets, Welcome To the Revolution. God Bless America.