Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What could be worse than being a "people of walmart?" Getting busted taking a picture of one. Damn flash!

   Not to doubt the power of fortune cookies, but I think a better fortune would of been you are about to choke on this cookie

   If it's worth it, fight for it & if you lose it, at least you tried.

   The Guinness in the refrigerator is calling my name with a drunken slur.

   the guy changing my oil this morning said he had earrings just like mine. LOL

   Driving school wouldn't be so bad if cops started giving tickets to all the hot girls they pull over.

   Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

   thinking of exercising with this NY Detox but, I think I get enough of that by fighting sleep, jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, running ragged, dodging responsibilty and pushing my luck.

   Happy National Nothing Day!

   I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me...

   Ilistening to country music and reminiscing about all of the bad things. . . all of the sad things that never happened to me.

   Taking it to the streets, Welcome To the Revolution. God Bless America.

   i wanna grow up to be like Steve Stifler

   wants a Web redemption

   Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.

   I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it Kramer?

   outside of all the killing, washington has the lowest crime rate in the country

   You know you have way too many Facebook friends and need to clean up your act when you search through your friends for someone named "Taffy" and it gives you choices.

   used to have a machete, but times have changed

   No I don't need new shoes, I just want them!