Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What could be worse than being a "people of walmart?" Getting busted taking a picture of one. Damn flash!

   Not to doubt the power of fortune cookies, but I think a better fortune would of been you are about to choke on this cookie

   If it's worth it, fight for it & if you lose it, at least you tried.

   The Guinness in the refrigerator is calling my name with a drunken slur.

   the guy changing my oil this morning said he had earrings just like mine. LOL

   Driving school wouldn't be so bad if cops started giving tickets to all the hot girls they pull over.

   thinking of exercising with this NY Detox but, I think I get enough of that by fighting sleep, jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, running ragged, dodging responsibilty and pushing my luck.

   Happy National Nothing Day!

   I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me...

   Ilistening to country music and reminiscing about all of the bad things. . . all of the sad things that never happened to me.

   Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

   We just Brexited Earth

   Wtf? I like something and the site reverts back to page 1!

   The only real model we have for a trump presidency is the movie "first kid"

   I never cared to look for Waldo. . .

   NOTICE: To the people who have flashing blue and red Christmas lights in their yard.....can you remove them, please? Every time I pass by, I think it is the cops and I have to remove my foot from the gas, slam on the brakes, put my seatbelt on, throw my p

   when couples get married they should be required to each give up 1 sock & put them together to make a pair of socks....later on if they divorce they get their sock back. "Master has given me a sock. I am free"

   I heard someone say they wouldn't wish Dementia/Alzheimers on their WORST ENEMY. I would. They'd forget about killing me.

   Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn't just painted on

   I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my spleen on my pant leg. And my liver adds a certain flair to my belt.