Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4840 of 6370
Eight year old's today have Facebook, Twitter, iPhones, iPods. When I was there age, I had a dad who beat the hell out of me.
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05-26-2011 00:22
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"I'm coming".........The two words, no matter how or when used, women usually lie about.
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05-26-2011 00:22
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If I slept with a prostitute, when we finished I would tell her that I am also a prostitute and we can just call it even.
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05-26-2011 00:21
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Men think about sex every 7 seconds. Which is why I eat hot dogs in 6 seconds, so it doesn't get weird.
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05-26-2011 00:20
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There is absolutely nothing funnier than yelling "HE'S STEALING MY BABY!" at a dad having a hard time with his kid in public.
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05-26-2011 00:20
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Tired of the dying person who keeps emailing with his billion dollars. I hope he dies soon so he would quit sending the emails.
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05-26-2011 00:17
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That ackward moment when a beautiful woman is waving at you with enthusiasm, and, it turns out to someone behind you.
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05-26-2011 00:15
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When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza, and then insist that he called me.
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05-26-2011 00:11
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Am I the only one who feels that if I had to describe urine's color and possible taste, that I should point to a yellow Vitamin Water?
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05-25-2011 23:52 by Kelevra
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Kevin Durant, it is time to take your backpack and go home!
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05-25-2011 23:50 by Brent
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i need to find cinderella because I'm tired of running into her stuck-up cant take a joke high maintence sisters
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05-25-2011 23:48
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now that oprah is gone, Can we put daily football on?
Dont ever tell someone you'll do something when pigs fly........cause cops ride in helicopters now.
Hey Oprah your shows over,,,go to the dam gym ,, and try and lose some weight already,,,!!!
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05-25-2011 22:27
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A thunderstorm is God's way of saying his electronics will always be better than yours
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05-25-2011 22:18 by PTV
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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
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05-25-2011 22:12 by BEGO
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About 50% of the time “good luck” means “effff you.”
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05-25-2011 22:07 by BEGO
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That awkward moment when you're late for class, and when you walk in, everyone stares at you like you killed someone.
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05-25-2011 22:06 by BEGO
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The guy who predicted the end of the world moved the date to Oct/Nov. That's not the end of the world, it's just another Twilight film.
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05-25-2011 22:05 by BEGO
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8 year olds today have Facebooks, twitter, phones, ipods. When I was there age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination.
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05-25-2011 22:04 by BEGO
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