Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Its amazing how many of Darwin's biggest obstacles are allowed the privelage to drive on our roadways in this day in age.

   I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom took away his WII, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own a$$

   not sure we're using this internet thingy properly. He just Googled 'Partridge Family Theme Song Lyrics' and got 97,000 pages that had them. Seriously? He thinks one page is quite enough. Maybe 2, for a backup in case one goes down.

   I had a hard time believing a movie called Furry Vegeance was a family movie...I thought it was a movie about a woman scorned.....boy was I wrong!

   It doesn't value to play ,except you play to the end

   Hell hath no fury like . . . the lawyer of a woman scorned!!

   "Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left."

   Taking it to the streets, Welcome To the Revolution. God Bless America.

   i wanna grow up to be like Steve Stifler

   wants a Web redemption

   Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.

   I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it Kramer?

   outside of all the killing, washington has the lowest crime rate in the country

   You know you have way too many Facebook friends and need to clean up your act when you search through your friends for someone named "Taffy" and it gives you choices.

   The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application.

   the only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.

   I tried the Facebook Friend Finder and it showed me all the people who deleted me, I think its a tad bit faulty or should be renamed!

   thinks it's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

   If the world really was going to end in 2012, the bankers would find some way to "stall" it....they ain't going to let people get away with not paying their 25 year mortgages.

   If your password is "password" then that is not the only thing I know about you.