Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Wonders what the 1st person that ate a pineapple was thinking... Hmmm that's a funny looking thing, I believe I'll eat it. 
The easy way to teach a woman the true value of money is to borrow it from her.
You know how you're in a rush to meet someone or be somewhere at a certain time and then they call you to find out where you are, you're so far away you lie and tell them you're somewhere like 10 min ahead of you
TThere is a difference between being "passionate" about your religious and political beliefs and being down-right "hateful." The former acquires respect. (...the latter gets unfriended.)
Married with Children is the best comedy out there right now! 25 years on...when are Comedies going to be worth watching?
"Common sense..its in high demand... And short supply"
A girl who only gives hand jobs is most likely the same b*tch who gives out apples on Halloween
If you want your food delivered faster by the delivery driver working in the middle of a pandemic with very little base pay and no benefits don't forget to tip!
Scream movies would never happen in this day and age because every time the killer would call we’d just let it go to voicemail.
America going straight into 'thoughts & prayers' Groundhog Day mode after yet another mass school shooting.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
I'm the person Republicans are taking about. I own a hundred iPhones and my body is dying. I refuse to buy healthcare. Please get me another phone.
The Ieft has big vocabularies; the right has big bank accounts. Guess which one pays the bills at the end of the month?
Donald Trump has no political experience. Meanwhile you need 5 years experience for an entry level management position at Chili's.
having a most excellent adventure with Bill and Ted
I need to start speaking my mind because my tongue is starting to hurt from biting it!
told by someone that swimming will get you in shape ......IF THAT IS THE CASE SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME WHY WHALES ARE SO effin FAT !?!?
1065 friends on facebook and not one of ya came to vist me.........so up yours
Accidentally grabbing the glitter spray instead of the feminine deopdorant spray gives "disco stick" a whole new meaning.
checking out your facebook albums hoping to see some bikini photos of your girlfriend. 