Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   With that interception returned for a TD by Desmond Bishop, Brett Favre has now thrown 5378 completions for a total of 463 touchdowns to the Green Bay Packers.

   A lot of times when a package says Open Other End, I purposely open the end where it says that.

   Goldfish and animal crackers.....Her favorite kind of surf and turf

   too large for worry, too noble for anger, and too strong for fear

   santaclaustrophobia.

   Yes guys the colors are bra colors they are wearing...it is for breast cancer awareness...Just tell them you give free mammograms or that NUDE is a color...HA

   i hate when horoscopes are right even more then when I hate when they are wrong

   Waves hand " This is not the Facebook Profile you want."

   thinks. Of all the places to get changed in secret, why the funk would superman choose a small box in the middle of a built up city which to be fair is mainly made up of windows.

   I'm just trying to help everyone with the hacker post. I had a guy named Phua Soon Hock trying to hack me!

   wonders WHY it actually became politically correct to advertise about erectile dysfunction? It kinda makes you think about such things when your nine year old asks what "an erection lasting 24 hours or longer" is. Uhhhh, whut?

   there is a thin line between sanity and insanity...and I just snorted it.

   thinks life is like a rubix cube. Some people have the patience to solve it and the others just cheat to see how others do it

   There's a right time to mind; and a right time to nevermind......

   I almost forgot I cheated on my diet until my wife found panties in my truck!

   BBC News: "Web attacks on the rise."...........Must be Spiderman, the rascal!!

   A woman who thinks no man is good enough for her may be right.... But she is more often left.

   I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk

   The truth shall set ye free. But lying shall get ye a bunch of free sh*t.

   Studies show that four out of five poker players take drugs to keep awake and sharp at the table. The one that doesn't stay sharp is the one who shouts out "Go Fish!"