Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   IS + Ebola = Problem Solved

   I was asked to run a marathon & I said "No way". Then I was told it was for Down Syndrom & blind kids & I thought "Fack it. I could win that!"

   I own 11,000 air guitars and I know a guy in Russia that owns 5 more then me,,,

   News casters trying to find snappy name for current heat wave - Some suggest calling it: Summer

   Im giving away dead batteries, they are free of charge!

   I just heard Justin Bieber for the first time and she sounds like a very nice little girl so stop being mean to her!

   2 eyes to see... 2 ears to hear... 2 hands to hold... 2 legs to walk... but 1 heart? Because the other was given to someone else... for us to find.

   ‎"One of the few things I really about FaceBook is that you can post or quote almost anything and few people will question it."- Abraham Lincoln :)

   Cats are so disgusting it makes them puke.

   Whitney finally caught up to her career.

   Casey Anthony tried to celebrate her acquittal last night at Chili's but waiters kept walking by singing, "I want my babyback babyback babyback... I want my babyback babyback babyback..."

   If 'faith' was based on evidence then it would be called 'knowledge'. It isn't because it isn't.

   My girlfriend just caught me blow drying my pen!s and asked what I was doing. Apparently, "heating your dinner" was not the right answer.

   taking a walk outside her mind

   I had a dream that I got a job with Lynyrd Skynyrd, and then I woke up. I didn't even make it to my first live show.

   Amy Winehouse dead at 27?!? Wow! If only there had been warning signs...

   Childbirth...So easy even a woman can do it!

   Ladies, leave the football related posts to us boys and we'll leave the laundry posts for you...

   You know you are in deep financial crisis when you wife is giving you Bl@wjob just because you can't afford to buy yogurt.

   How does a lesbian hold her liquor? By the ears.