Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   once read a book about anti-gravity. I just couldn't put it down.

   We're no strangers to love you know the rules and so do I a full commitments what I'm thinking of you wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling gotta make you understand never gonna give you up HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH!

   ....Nick Cannon still mum on Mariah pregnancy. They're obviously waiting to make sure she doesn't have a bigger miscarriage than “Glitter.”

   Life aint nothing but a hide and go seek with death!!

   hates facebook! you ever go to click on someones name in chat n they log off.

   Police found the device in a smoking Nissan Pathfinder. Thank God it was a Nissan. If it had been a Toyota, you know it would have blown up.

   Please! You're only older than me because your parents decided to have unprotected sex before mine did. At least mine didn't make a mistake that night.

   I'd be more willing to cuddle with my Wife after sex if she'd be more willing to high-five after sex.

   I hate getting wet...it always makes little animals pop out of my bac!

   I was thinking about becoming an atheist, but I thought screw it, you don't get any holidays.

   I have found that if you love life... life will love you back

   I'm an optimist and Windows 8 will be my idea.

   the last great run by a bronco was in 1994

   Paula Dean is currently at home watching the George Zimmerman trial in disgust.

   what happens when a idiot can't get a gun and wants to make a scene?

   I just invented a birth control pill for men. I figure it makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bullet proof vest.

   Wow, the U.S. sychronized men's diving team are extreme h0m0sexuals.

   Happy Wife = Happy Life

   Think I'll take up smoking just so I'll get more breaks at work.

   Why do they no longer offer drivers ed and sex ed in schools in Mexico? The donkey died....