Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4789 of 6370
Palin emails show's that she hadn't had a vacation in 5 years. Heck, the Obama's can't go 5 weeks without a vacation.......
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06-12-2011 13:28 by sully
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i doubt you're really laughing out loud
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06-12-2011 13:22 by gee
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My hangover feels like someone is screaming at me in German.
What I love best about sex with a married woman is wiping myself off with her husband's clean underwear!
in a world that has Taco Bell is there really a need for X-Lax? just sayin :)
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06-12-2011 12:51 by Mr. Panky
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The best thing about using exclamation marks is that no one knows how sad you are!!!
Everybody loves pot brownies. But I bring crystal meth cupcakes to a party, suddenly I'm the weirdo.
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06-12-2011 12:33 by Lozo
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All Right.unless you are a cup of coffee stay outa my face for the next hour!
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06-12-2011 11:20
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man you should have seen this girl walking past me she said " omg your so hot I want you now" if you don't believe me ask Brad Pitt he was behind me.
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06-12-2011 11:09
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Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
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06-12-2011 10:43
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Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man, fishing's not that hard.
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06-12-2011 09:39
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you know you've had too much to drink when you try to fax someone a fruit rollup.
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06-12-2011 09:38
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tongue effing a hot pocket.........oh wait, is that one of the highly inappropriate status messages that makes christians unfriend me?
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06-12-2011 09:36
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How do you know you've found Lebron James' cell phone? It vibrates and receives calls, but doesn't have a ring!
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06-12-2011 09:33 by Will
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I got a cialis caught in my throat...I've had a stiff neck for 36 hours
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06-12-2011 07:27 by K-Mac
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The tv show American Pickers ought to be renamed to American Pickers & Hoarders
if I knit you a sweater, Computer, will you stop freezing?
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06-12-2011 05:54 by Zap
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Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
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06-12-2011 05:24 by Will
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I'm old enough to know what's right and wrong, but I'm too young to care.
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06-12-2011 05:22 by Dopey 420
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have you noticed that when somebody in a movie is told to look out the window they never go to the wrong one?
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06-12-2011 05:10 by ARM
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