Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder if chickens ever wake up feeling foul?

   I printed your status on toilet paper so I can wipe my ass with it.

   I wonder if drug dealers do black Friday lol ...weed and crack 20% off

   Why can't I be like the other guys that I know, and just be happy with an ugiy f@t girl?

   I eat every meal like I'm going to be deported to Ethopia the next day or something.

   News break the waking dead is on, so I will update everyone every commercial break-Get a life

   I wonder if the new popemobile will be a low rider??

   What's this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?

   COCAINE IS NATURE'S CAPS LOCK

   Here is a joke for all of the mind readers out there....

   George Lucas loves himself some dark chocolate.

   My girl brought me breakfast in bed, I slowly turned to her and said, ?What are you doing out of the Kitchen??

   "Doc, I feel grouchy and my head turns 360 degrees."... "Hmm,, Sounds like Irritable owl syndrome".. Doc prescribes a Tootsie pop...

   This woman blowing me at the glory hole forgot to shave.

   My friend said, "Dude, i'm drunk, call me a cab." I handed him a beer and said, "You're a cab." (true story)

   Fast food restaurants are being forced to do away with their "Play Places" because it has become too expensive to employ the army of Structural Engineers required to keep up with the skyrocketing weight of today's children.

   wondering why hockey players are gotta be so effin' greedy!! Enough already.....

   What is gray and comes in quarts,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,an elephant

   Guys, when Adele goes "I heard that your dreams came true Guess she gave you things, I couldn't give to you" was it an@l? I bet it was an@l.

   Remember ladies, you can be anything you want, like a Doctor's nurse, a lawyer's clerk or the President of the US………..Shoppers Association.