Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Don't piss on my boots and tell me it's raining 
pissed when I wake up in the morning and dont feel like P.Diddy.
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says~~ "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Damn!!!...If you gonna be two faced, girl, at least make one of them look pretty...!!!!!
DVD is to VHS as facebook is to myspace
wishes he was in Tijuana, eating BBQ'd iguana.
Congratulations! You're not illiterate
Dear radio stations. I appreciate that you waited until after Thanksgiving to start in with the Christmas music... but could you tone it down a little bit? You're gonna kill it for me if it goes on like this for a month. Thank you
Someone should help Rihanna. She likes rude boys, loves being lied to, thinks she's the only girl in the world & has forgotten her name
guy from arkansas said "they need to find out what is going on with the birds we dont need dead birds flying around" and you might be a dumass
Vagiinas are like the weather if its raining and wet, Its time to go inside!
(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) They see me rollin. They hatin!
I heard it's pretty hard to get a medical marijuana card. I'll be right back, I'm gonna go jump off my roof!
NASA has confirmed that on December 21, late afternoon, the sky will go very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
Melania Trump just reported a suspicious small package in her bedroom.
Donald Trump is the kind of person who goes to the Super Bowl and thinks the people in the huddle are talking about him.
VUVUZELA the most despised and annoying musical PLASTIC device since Michael Jackson !
thinks Obama could help solve the Toyota crisis by raising the federal speed limit to 120 mph
since Obama is trying to get rid of Guantomino bay, we will now be sending captured terrorists on Carnival Cruises
Now I lay her down to eat, I pray her pus*y don't smell like feet. But if it smells to bad to lick, I pray she's good at sucking di*k. Amen 