Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm trying to figure out why you're mad at me for not wearing a mask. Does the one you're wearing not work?

   I vote for Chinx getting the vaccine last.

   EVERY man agrees with his woman until she opens her mouth (to talk !)

   I cant wait until 2016 so that I can learn through FB what country Hillary Clinton was really born in and what type of tyrantical gvmt she's associated with and how fast she plans to go door to door to take everyones hand guns..

   It's a real shame that Justin Bieber never got to attend a sleepover at Michael Jackson's house

   I don't know who has a worse lineup right now, the Mets or the Republicans

   If a b!tch is two faced; Does that mean I have the right to smack the hell outta her twice?!

   why marry and make one woman happy when you can remain single and make many Women Happy........???

   Underwear is for pussies See what I did there? .. Sigh.. Brilliant

   Malaysian Airlines tickets will be half price from now on because that is as far as you are going to get.

   In case if emergency, your seat cushion may be used to choke that annoying crying baby closest to you.

   I believe Harry Potter is real. My faith in Him is unwavering. I can prove his existence by quoting from a book. Stop ridiculing my faith!

   President Obama has invited a group of top Republicans to watch the Super Bowl with him at the White House. That should be a lot of fun. They're gonna need a two-thirds vote before they pass him the Doritos.

   Ya know, Joe Biden sayin' "If I hear one more Republican tell me about balancing the budget, I am going to strangle them," doesn't frighten me NEAR as much as Nancy Pelosi threatening to release her flying monkeys!! ....just sayin'....

   eating bacon with Mohammed.

   How can you tell when a democrat is lying? When his lips are moving!

   Its official. The Rose Garden has been replaced with a watermelon patch, and the kitchen turned into a KFC.

   I'm not anti-religion, I'm pro-reality.

   because we didn't evolve from CURRENT apes... we evolved from a comman ancestor whose population was split and separated geographically 6 million years ago and evolved in different directions. DUH!

   Idea for a Christmas Party: Have two guys dress as Jesus and Santa Claus. One brings wine the other brings Eggnog with vodka. Santa brings his 12 reindeer playboy bunnies. All at your mother-in-law's house. ONE BIG JINGLE FOR THE YEAR.