Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So if Justin Bieber has his own cologne...I def think its about time I came up with one of my own..Not sure what too call it tho..They say you should name it after things you like..So I am really leaning toward naming it "Ode to BoobiesVajayjayNinjaFight"

   treat everything like a dog would. If you can't eat it or hump it, piss on it and walk away.

   checked in at Charlie Sheen's Bungalow

   saying "black and yellow black and yellow"... sounds like a R. Kelly home made video.

   The problem with us beautiful people is that most people hate us.

   Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?

   Doesnt it blow your mind away that 2011 is already half way over?

   So many cool gadgets around. The iPad, iPhone, iPod, etc. It's strange though, none of the electronics stores seem to have this iCarly thing that the kids are all talking about.

   wishes the cold froze off fat rather than ass...

   There was a chilled beer in the fridge and a note, "Don't drink me." Now there's an empty tin and a note, "Don't tell me what to do."

   girls with flat chests and guys with hips deserve each other.......its only fair.

   The awkward moment...When you see someone wearing a skirt that looks like it could be a belt

   People say I am so cruel, but I have the heart of a small child...in a jar on my desk...

   So today is officially the first day of Spring! Just think, only a mere 277 more days till Winter arrives again...

   This isn't hell. This is where you get sent when you've been bad in hell.

   If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.

   I love it when I drop my iPod and my headphones save it's life!

   Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's good. But when it's bad... it's still pretty good!

   I'm Not Lazy. Someone Just Stole My Motivation. I'm the Victim here!!!

   If a guy treats you like a princess, he was obviously raised by a queen. If he treats you like crap, well..he was raised by someone along the lines of michael vick.