Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if you know Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, then isn't it a really dumb question to ask if you know the MOST famous reindeer of them all

   Wants Santa to bring me one of the hot girls thats on his naughty list

   finds it sad that the Who's hit single, "Who Are You," has a whole new meaning -- Alzheimers

   When you don't know what to say: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

   If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of

   wondering if IHOP is going to sue Apple for copyright infringement?

   A terrorist attack killing thousands, a car wreck killing two. Nice try britboy

   There's nothing worse than getting crop dusted by the gay guy at work on a Monday morning...

   SIGN: *jesus recycling shoes*....... "What are you doing there Jesus?"... "Oh, you know, just,,, Saving soles."...

   I ran into a women at the grocery store. She was wearing a tshirt with the word GUESS written across the front. I said 34C. My face still hurts.

   "safe days" is a ploy by women to trap men with pregnancies. everyone knows women cant do maths

   ......Update status, nobody likes?...... -_- (1) Deletes Facebook profile (2) Move to a next country (3) Change name (4) Start new life =)

   HA!!!!...Washington and Oregon legalize pot ...now Twinkies and Ho-Hos are out of business.. just a matter of time now before they declare a a state of emergency in those states!!!!...OMG... it's the TWINKIPOCALYPSE ... Maybe the Mayans were right!

   The fat jokes may be funny, but remember, sometimes the fatties slim up and then the jokes on you.

   All I wanted to watch on TV tonight was, "the biggest loser." Looks like he's on network!!

   I bet Clint Eastwood felt real stupid when he found out it was Manti Te'os girlfriend in that chair & not Obama.

   69 = Do unto others as you would like them do unto you.

   In a club last night and this really ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my ar5e and said " give me your phone number sexy " I said " have you got a pen " she smiled and said " yes " I said " well feck off back to it,before the farmer notices your missing

   The three reasons for liking a status: 1) I agree with you. 2) I realize this is about me, of course I'm gonna like it. 3) I like you.

   My favorite Transformer is the one that transforms from a hoe into a housewife.