Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if you know Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, then isn't it a really dumb question to ask if you know the MOST famous reindeer of them all

   Wants Santa to bring me one of the hot girls thats on his naughty list

   finds it sad that the Who's hit single, "Who Are You," has a whole new meaning -- Alzheimers

   When you don't know what to say: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

   If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of

   Accidentally grabbing the glitter spray instead of the feminine deopdorant spray gives "disco stick" a whole new meaning.

   make sure your wearing Deodorant when you reaching for the stars.

   wishes you were an Etch and Sketch. I'd shake the sh!t out of you and watch you disappear.

   might be bright out 2 day.. I'll probably be squinting like a Chilean miner...

   Its 1:40 am....do you know where your girlfriend is? Um......neither do I. But I'm sure she is in good hands.

   I absolutetly love drinking water... too bad they don't mention the ingredients on the bottle I'd like to make some at home...

   My mom used to say I'm wasting my life playing video games. Then I thought "no sweat, I've got 2 more lives."

   A terrorist attack killing thousands, a car wreck killing two. Nice try britboy

   There's nothing worse than getting crop dusted by the gay guy at work on a Monday morning...

   SIGN: *jesus recycling shoes*....... "What are you doing there Jesus?"... "Oh, you know, just,,, Saving soles."...

   I ran into a women at the grocery store. She was wearing a tshirt with the word GUESS written across the front. I said 34C. My face still hurts.

   "safe days" is a ploy by women to trap men with pregnancies. everyone knows women cant do maths

   69 = Do unto others as you would like them do unto you.

   In a club last night and this really ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my ar5e and said " give me your phone number sexy " I said " have you got a pen " she smiled and said " yes " I said " well feck off back to it,before the farmer notices your missing

   The three reasons for liking a status: 1) I agree with you. 2) I realize this is about me, of course I'm gonna like it. 3) I like you.