Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When I have visitors in town, my tour guide instincts kick in and I show them as much as I can. “That's the grocery store I go to.” “I work out there.” “I've made out with a girl on that bench.” “I've peed behind that dumpster." I hope

   some people are so stupid, if their brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M

   All I needed was the kit but they made me buy the whole kaboodle.

   I just played FARKLE against somebody from across the World, and yet we had a mutual friend! My opponent knows Pamela Anderson too!

   There is really quite nothing like the flavor of a rejected Facebook friendship invitation.

   If practicing your autograph is g@y, I don't wanna be straight.

   Do NOT download the Mel Gibson app on your new iPhone. It attacks all your other apps, then implodes.

   During a speech at Columbia University, founder of Microsoft, Bill Gates, said his rival at Apple, Steve Jobs, has done a fantastic job. Then Gates froze up and had to be restarted. :)

   I can finally sympathize with women after I had to make a CVS trip at 2 am because my XBOX controller ran out of batteries.

   i am a member of the C.S.I cant stand idiots

   mark wahlberg said "The world needs Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber is like the white Tupac compared to a lot of people out there." marky mark need to go back to rehab for PCP.

   wondering what Tennesse Titans' nickname is, giving that Jacksonville Jaguars is "Jags" and Tampa Bay Bucaneers is "Bucs".

   how selfish are my neighbours to have a pin number on thier wifi.....rude that's what I call it!

   Algebra, Chemistry, and Physics, are a few things that have driven more women to the poles than the Suffrage movement...

   Anyone else put snowballs in the freezer in anticipation of a snowball fight you don't plan on losing?

   anyone on Myspace anymore? I wonder if Tom is on facebook....

   says welcome to Facebook... Your mortgage is past due.

   thinks you are so dull that even watching you choke on a knife would be boring.

   Thinks your haircut looked better before the 'cutting' part.

   a procrastinator... ehh i'll finish this post later