Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Rehab is for quiters

   FACEBOOK ALERT: Lebron James is now in a relationship with Lebron James.

   Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

   Ťhï§ ï§ hőw äň öřğą§m fəəļ§ whëņ pűť ïņťø wőřđ§.

   My friend came over today and left his new laptop on the damn floor. My dad not knowing how old fashion he is thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My dad weighs 980.34$ dollars.

   Two antennas meet on a rooftop, fall in love, get married....The wedding wasn't much but the reception was great!

   You can't judge a book by it's cover, but you can judge a douchebag by his blue tooth earpiece

   Gene Simmons killed... what the hell was he doing in libya

   OMG!!! I am so f'd up...I drank so much last night..i woke up in my own vomit! Party!....woohoo!..I just chugged more vodka to cure the hangover!.....(this didn't happen, just wanted to fit in in Facebook).

   You think 7 years for a mirror is bad try breaking a condom

   If you are single maybe it's not everyone else, maybe it's you!

   Steelers menu tonight: 4 & 20 black (dirty) birds baked in a pie!

   Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me.

   Enough respect to women who know how to roll bada$$ blunts.

   That Awkward Moment when you realise the person you dating has always looked like that. You just never noticed cause you were whipped!

   I here Weiner is on suicide watch. Someone's afraid he's gonna choke himself to death.........

   Dear driver of the car in front of me.... you do not make that amount of effort and beat me off the lights, only to go and drive under the speed limit. You.... are a b!tch

   The capital of Montana is not Hannah.

   likes to sell things to guys with fake hair just so he can say, "How are you going Toupée?"

   Females that utter males terms such as "Suck My D*ck" will NEVER get married.