Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   dancing naked on your roof.

   the answer

   And Jesus said to His disciples, "Follow me....on twitter."

   Almost everybody opens their Facebook to see if they got a message. Almost nobody opens the bible, which is full of messages for them.

   You never see a church with free WiFi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works..

   Somebody needs to tell Ann Coulter that a shi!tload of makeup can't disguise her stupidity.

   I'm thinking of writing in "Anti-Christ" for presidential candidate choice... Either way, my pick wins...

   Bill Murray walked up to me today in McDonalds, grabbed a fry off of my tray, ate it, and said " No one is gonna believe you"

   segregation will not end until they start putting #2 pencils in the same boxes as colored pencils.

   sai Yes to weed, No to cigarettez.

   And you thought a female would be too emotional to be president?

   China, China, ChinaChinaChina...I know China. <<< Donald Trump!

   Nelson Mandela was in prison for 27 years, yet he tackled racism, poverty, inequality and still changed the world! WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE?

   *Phew* "Thank God I'm White" -Casey Anthony When She Read The Troy Davis Story

   How can you tell when a democrat is lying? When his lips are moving!

   Sex isn't sex without hair pulling, ass grabbing, neck holding, legs folding, lip biting, neck sucking, pillow biting, back scratching, etc.

   Heard a song by Stevie Wonder on the radio. My wife said "I'd like to see Stevie". I replied "He would, too."

   I was at my date's house and told her "I sure hope your couch pulls out, cause I don't."

   Maybe Taylor Swift should try dating an Arab. It might not work out but at least he'll make sure she doesn't live to write another song.

   Being strong-willed does NOT mean I am a b itch. It means I am in control of my life, stick to what I believe in and do NOT rely on anyone but myself.