Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Somebody needs to tell Ann Coulter that a shi!tload of makeup can't disguise her stupidity.

   I'm thinking of writing in "Anti-Christ" for presidential candidate choice... Either way, my pick wins...

   Bill Murray walked up to me today in McDonalds, grabbed a fry off of my tray, ate it, and said " No one is gonna believe you"

   segregation will not end until they start putting #2 pencils in the same boxes as colored pencils.

   sai Yes to weed, No to cigarettez.

   China, China, ChinaChinaChina...I know China. <<< Donald Trump!

   Nelson Mandela was in prison for 27 years, yet he tackled racism, poverty, inequality and still changed the world! WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE?

   And you thought a female would be too emotional to be president?

   *Phew* "Thank God I'm White" -Casey Anthony When She Read The Troy Davis Story

   How can you tell when a democrat is lying? When his lips are moving!

   Sex isn't sex without hair pulling, ass grabbing, neck holding, legs folding, lip biting, neck sucking, pillow biting, back scratching, etc.

   Heard a song by Stevie Wonder on the radio. My wife said "I'd like to see Stevie". I replied "He would, too."

   I was at my date's house and told her "I sure hope your couch pulls out, cause I don't."

   Maybe Taylor Swift should try dating an Arab. It might not work out but at least he'll make sure she doesn't live to write another song.

   Being strong-willed does NOT mean I am a b itch. It means I am in control of my life, stick to what I believe in and do NOT rely on anyone but myself.

   I shot an Elephant in my pajamas.... How he got in my pajamas i'll never know.

   (_|_) (_/_) (_\_) doin the Happy Dance!!

   To who ever invented the padded bra... THANK YOU

   Going to go back in time and have sex with all the Golden Girls, and Angela Lansbery.

   notices that ever since they invented Viagra; I never get called to 'stand=in' for John Holmes anymore....