Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4709 of 6369
The only thing scarier than Christine O'Donell is the thought her being in office and in charge of the nuclear codes.
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11-12-2010 01:40
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there a logical reason why Chelsea Clinton looks more like Janet Reno than Bill Clinton?
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07-18-2010 21:00
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loves that you are nonodys friend until facebook tell you that you are.
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11-10-2009 13:58 by carebare
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I got my free meal from Applebee's today, it was good to see fellows Vets of all ages getting it in. Although I swear some of them old guys look like the may hay survived the war of 1812 I'm glad we enjoyed it together. Now who's pouring free DRINKS for u
saving his breath, I need it to blow up my date
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11-30-2009 23:17
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Think about it If there where no men in the world there would be no crime, but all women would be happy, and Fat!
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12-04-2009 10:49
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Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold the baby and I can go out.
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12-13-2009 17:46
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just ran across the road to grab a chicken for Lunch
I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth
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03-18-2010 15:35 by ANGELA
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My girlfriend asked me, "Do You believe in love at first sight"? I said, "At the first sight of what"?
I feel so bad for people who have $500,000,000. They can only call themselves millionaires, and yet they're still so far away from being billionaires.
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05-07-2010 12:39 by Joser
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there once was a time when these things made me chuckle... but not anymore
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01-05-2011 22:45
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The only difference between the lead singer of Hanson and Justin Bieber is that we know Bieber is a girl!
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01-11-2011 02:25
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A Real Man Shows His Love To His Woman Daily. He Needs No Special Occasions, Holidays Or Her Birthday, He Just Spontaneously Does Things
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06-26-2013 20:03
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I think Miley killed Chucky Cheese and wore him to the VMA's
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08-28-2013 23:29
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guess what I found under the Christmas tree??? Floor tiles!
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12-25-2012 13:20
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Probably just me, but the "&" sign looks like a guy rubbing his ass on the ground.
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09-24-2012 13:55
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They named it ‘cunnilingus' because “sweetly savoring slippery succulent sexiness” was too long.
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09-27-2012 02:51
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Voting for president is getting to the point where it's simply which guy would you rather watch dump all your money into a toilet and flush.
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10-10-2012 12:02 by Baddie
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I'm sorry. I didn't hear a word you said because you are an adult with braces.