Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   my voices started talking spanish and right in the middle of a sentence then changed to russian....what do you think that means? I dont understand any thing but English. I'm starting to think they are planning a War against me

   I feel like LIFESAVERS candy is overstating their importance...But just to be on the safe side I'm gonna go get some! If I'm found dead,I would like them to be sued for false advertising.

   You guys seriously f**k to Justin Beiber? That's sad.

   ...thinks that the web loaded slowly enough before someone came up with the brilliant idea of adding all of these Facebook "Like" buttons...

   skinny dipping with snapping turtles...oh what a feeling!

   A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

   just had someone have a go at her for deleting them from her facebook.Whilst I know it is a childish thing to do I can't help thinking "I don't give A TINY RATS ARSE that is WHY I DELETED YOUh

   I just realised Chewbacca carries a Purse!"

   I think I've watched too many scary movies because every time I go to Chic-fil-a I find they are way too nice. I keep expecting their eyes to roll back in to their head while they are smiling and saying "its my pleasure to serve you."

   didn't think I needed a dude for anything...but batteries aren't gonna help me move this furniture around.

   She never lied to you. She promised to be your first and last... she just never said anything about all the others in between.

   drinks, dinner, drinks....rinse and repeat...happy Friday..smile

   here for you...but not now I am playing video games.

   If the game doesn't freeze every 6 minutes, then you're not watching FOX.

   Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles

   Don't hold onto anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love !

   believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.

   heard that Greece won at the world cup today...given their recent debt write downs it's a good thing they didn't have to buy a goal.

   flooding newsfeeds with youtube videos....

   best job in the world .... a pillow ,get to lay in bed all day and get head every night