Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   needs an elf to wrap presents…..oh and do the laundry too while your at it.

   Since saying "Happy New Year" doesn't seem to give people much luck, she's going to say "Have a bad New Year" and turn thier luck around!

   Has used many of these's [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] to help women further their education..or say that was what I was told at the time...

   at the crossroads of life and has taken the road less traveled........only because of my stupid "Tom-Tom" those GPS devises can be very irritating sometimes.

   advising to talk to the status.... the hand is not listening!!

   I may be the girl of us two, but I think I've proven I've got way more balls.

   i would punch you in the face. But you Don't even deserve that

   You guys seriously f**k to Justin Beiber? That's sad.

   ...thinks that the web loaded slowly enough before someone came up with the brilliant idea of adding all of these Facebook "Like" buttons...

   skinny dipping with snapping turtles...oh what a feeling!

   A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

   just had someone have a go at her for deleting them from her facebook.Whilst I know it is a childish thing to do I can't help thinking "I don't give A TINY RATS ARSE that is WHY I DELETED YOUh

   I just realised Chewbacca carries a Purse!"

   I think I've watched too many scary movies because every time I go to Chic-fil-a I find they are way too nice. I keep expecting their eyes to roll back in to their head while they are smiling and saying "its my pleasure to serve you."

   didn't think I needed a dude for anything...but batteries aren't gonna help me move this furniture around.

   She never lied to you. She promised to be your first and last... she just never said anything about all the others in between.

   drinks, dinner, drinks....rinse and repeat...happy Friday..smile

   Hates it when you are waiting at a red light for a long time with zero traffic then it changes to a flashing yellow.

   With no natural predators the last hope for humanity is pinned on the Internet giving idiots just enough information to cleanse themselves from our gene-pool

   Happiness is cruising in the fast lane, maybe just a smidge over the limit, and the cop car right behind you, that you hadn't noticed, turning his overheads on. . . and immediately crossing over the median to go after some poor slob going the other way:-)