Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4702 of 6369
whenever i'm bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
If Facebook shutdown people would be in tears, shoving pictures of themselves in front of mirror in bathrooms and showing on people's faces yelling "DO YOU LIKE THIS?! DO YOU?!"
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07-09-2011 00:30 by BEGO
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When I really want a chick to know I'm ballin', I get her something from the vending machine and ignore the change
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07-08-2011 23:53
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Whenever you feel powerless, remind yourself that a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water-park.
Am I the only one that thinks it's creepy for women to call their men "Daddy"?
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07-08-2011 23:36 by Hot Tea
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Hated by many, wanted by plenty, disliked by some, confronted by none! If you don't like just REMEMBER it's mind over matter! I don't Mind and you don't matter!
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07-08-2011 23:14
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Won a time machine on eBay. Disappointed when I received a damn clock.
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07-08-2011 23:09 by BEGO
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If you think what I just said was offensive, you don't want to hear the things that I stopped myself from saying.
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07-08-2011 23:07 by BEGO
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Facebook is daycare for adults.
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07-08-2011 23:06 by BEGO
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Keep looking my way, My head is held high! You wanna bring me down? I dare you to try!
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07-08-2011 23:05
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waking up from a great dream only to fall back asleep and continue that same dream
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07-08-2011 23:05
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Just when you finally get to that moment you've been waiting for all your life, somebody yells "Time's up!"
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07-08-2011 22:58 by BEGO
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there is no elevator to success! You have to take the stairs, one step at a time.
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07-08-2011 22:47
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Casey Anthony is still a MILF.. The 'M' just stands for Murderer.
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07-08-2011 22:42 by jdpower
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You know how you're in a rush to meet someone or be somewhere at a certain time and then they call you to find out where you are, you're so far away you lie and tell them you're somewhere like 10 min ahead of you
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07-08-2011 20:30
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When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
why does LIFE keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
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07-08-2011 20:16 by bijoux
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i just perfectly reverse parked my truck into a tight spot... Turns out the "tight Spot" was my girlfriend...
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07-08-2011 20:03 by DAZ
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The moment of panic when the traffic light turns yellow and your mind instantly screams, "Can I make it?!".
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07-08-2011 19:22
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Someone just told me that thw word OK looks like a sideways person. I've said OK my whole life and never noticed him. What's up little guy?
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07-08-2011 18:32
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