Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4689 of 6370
I have a stable job but women leave right after I tell them how hard it is dealing with horses
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07-13-2011 07:45
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and beer gut and still think they're sexy...
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07-13-2011 06:50
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Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the company just hire taller dancers?
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07-13-2011 06:18
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I like to keep confetti in my underwear. That way when a girl gets there she knows its party time!
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07-13-2011 01:55
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Sometimes I want to send animal crackers to PETA..... half eaten
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07-13-2011 01:54
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Even fire will break out in a sweat in this weather and then put itself out.
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07-13-2011 01:43 by Danmanz
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God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested.
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07-13-2011 00:28 by Marshall
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I really dont get the need for these giant 24 hour combination superstores. I have never in the middle of the night decided I just had to have a chainsaw, bicycle helmet and whipped cream.... wait... I take that back....
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07-12-2011 23:37
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Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
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07-12-2011 22:31 by BEGO
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Laugh at your problems, everybody else does
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07-12-2011 22:23 by BEGO
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Pretending to care about what the birthday card says, but you really just want the money.
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07-12-2011 22:08 by BEGO
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Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
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07-12-2011 22:02 by BEGO
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Tall girl & Short guy = Awkward. Tall girl & Tall guy = Cute. Short girl & Tall guy = Adorable. Short girl & Short guy = AWW.
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07-12-2011 22:00 by BEGO
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5.Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.
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07-12-2011 21:59 by BEGO
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everything your not
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07-12-2011 21:26
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men, take care of your wives. Cause if you dont there are plenty of guys that will.
Does the plus sign mean Google tested positive for Facebook?
i like to fast forward through menopause commercials
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07-12-2011 20:41 by levon
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In the movie of life, I am my own stunt double.
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07-12-2011 20:41
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I am going to only talk like a gangster from the 1940s starting right now. See?