Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4688 of 6369
What is the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? The hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
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03-23-2011 14:09
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Picture a fox. Wrong. They are smaller than that.
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09-02-2013 09:38 by huck
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One nicely manicured pu$$y is worth two in the bush.
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08-14-2012 15:01
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Peope say to me, "hey bro why no tattoos?" I say, "would you put bumper stickers on a Ferrari?"
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12-31-2012 17:56
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must be stored in a cool dry place away from sunlight.
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11-30-2008 11:02
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blind man walking past fish market says, "Hello, ladies."
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03-07-2011 00:40 by JayPJee
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I was at the red light beside a car load of mexicans when a semi ran over top them. I thought, dang that could've been me. So I got my CDL's
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08-05-2011 11:07 by jdirt
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The reality is that if you have a job that requires a name tag, I'll never give a crap what your name is
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07-01-2011 23:11 by BEGO
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Oops, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know that you were a Special Needs Person. Until you said, “I don’t like The New President of the United States of America.”
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08-14-2017 17:52
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"Things to not say on an airplane?" Hmm. Let me think......................"Islamic prayers?"
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01-08-2012 23:45
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A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says: "I make a good living."
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11-15-2011 15:58
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running with scissors and playing with matches...
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05-20-2009 00:32 by Icy
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What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery guy have in common? They can both smell it, but can't eat it!
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04-11-2010 23:05 by ANGELA
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What is the scariest thing about a white person in prison? You know he did it.
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04-08-2015 00:02 by Rev Al S
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If Americans are so angry about illegal border crossings, why does the national anthem start with 'Jose can you see?'
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09-01-2012 09:56
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IF A MALE AND FEMALE ARE IN THE SAME ROOM 8 HOURS A DAY 5 DAYS A WEEK ITS GONNA HAPPEND SONNER OR LATER
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08-13-2010 18:50 by EL KERNAL
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Stephen Hawking has died. Now he will have to face the God he said does not exist.
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03-14-2018 07:22
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Roses are red, violets are blue, GET IN THE BACK OF THE VAN!
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02-15-2011 05:16
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If Obama can break the rules, so can the Patriots dammit.
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01-22-2015 09:17 by Styles
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Dems hate rich people except those who can sing, act or play a sport...
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11-05-2012 19:09
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