Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   changed his profile picture. Now I look a little less ugly

   I think that all I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.

   thinks farmville is o.k. but pharmville is a blast.

   I'm on this insane diet. So far, I've lost my mind.

   The clean up in the Gulf is going well. My seabass I ordered was a quart low.

   Dear Friday: You have been gone all week, no visit, no call, no nothing. For some reason your absense doesn't bother me, I am glad to see you again...so is my liver, Cheers!

   Don't forget to proudly wave our American flags made in China today..

   Donald Trump's spokesperson, Katrina Pierson, is now comparing him to Walt Disney and Henry Ford. Two of the most famous Nazi sympathizers.

   Donald Trump wants to keep us in suspense about the survival of our democracy and orderly change of government.... I can't wait!

   If Meth could stand up straight, put on dirty clothes, take drugs, date its cousin and sing crappy music, it would look like Kid Rock.

   Trump: all these women outside Aide: Sir? Trump: I have my scores ready. When is the swimsuit competition?

   I think this lunatic POTUS just needs to get laid. Can someone convince a Melania to take on for the Country?

   Mabee someone shoulda gave christina one of those wristbands the quarterbacks use and wrote the lyrics on it.

   waiting for Charlie Sheen to start jumping on the chair/couch and start going nuts like Tom Cruise did on Oprah!!!!!!

   Damnit, I have eaten all my popcorn and the movie has not even started.

   expecting the unexpected...so now the unexpected is expected thus, I am expecting the expected.. unexpectedly. ..

   ..... That was no earthquake in DC ......... that was a warning shot!!!!

   When I put sea salt on fish, I wonder if they may already know each other.

   what the Woman really mean Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

   I've just finished writing an epic new film series about dyslexic vampires. It's called the Twiglet Saga.