Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I think this lunatic POTUS just needs to get laid. Can someone convince a Melania to take on for the Country?
←Rate | 03-29-2017 11:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mabee someone shoulda gave christina one of those wristbands the quarterbacks use and wrote the lyrics on it.
←Rate | 02-08-2011 08:49 by allendeaninkc Comments (0)  


   messageicon waiting for Charlie Sheen to start jumping on the chair/couch and start going nuts like Tom Cruise did on Oprah!!!!!!
←Rate | 03-01-2011 22:34 by Brad Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damnit, I have eaten all my popcorn and the movie has not even started.
←Rate | 08-17-2011 04:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon expecting the unexpected...so now the unexpected is expected thus, I am expecting the expected.. unexpectedly. ..
←Rate | 08-21-2011 00:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..... That was no earthquake in DC ......... that was a warning shot!!!!
←Rate | 08-23-2011 20:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I put sea salt on fish, I wonder if they may already know each other.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 21:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon what the Woman really mean Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
←Rate | 06-01-2011 15:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've just finished writing an epic new film series about dyslexic vampires. It's called the Twiglet Saga.
←Rate | 06-02-2011 13:34 by miz Comments (0)  


   messageicon lovin' this cold front of 93* its better than tha temp we been havin 103*...sincerely Alabama
←Rate | 06-04-2011 12:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd rather play the adult only version of "Duct Duct Tape" if you know what I mean. ;0)
←Rate | 03-27-2011 09:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon HAPPY 420 JOKERS SMOKERS AND MIDNIGHT TOKERS!
←Rate | 04-20-2011 02:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel duped. I went to a march of dimes event, and I didn't see a single damn dime marching.
←Rate | 04-26-2011 22:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to go into diners and quietly start conversations with strangers about eggs and the apocalypse.
←Rate | 05-14-2011 20:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sooooo this midget walks into a bar....well a bicycle rack....
←Rate | 05-16-2011 12:48 by Ron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everybody wear a Facebook t-shirt and FlashMob 8am at MySpace HQ when Tom gets to work. Be there!
←Rate | 06-27-2011 18:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon at walmart and apparently didnt get the memo for wife beater(uundershirt) day
←Rate | 06-30-2011 10:38 by whiteboy Comments (1)  


   messageicon Still haven't figured out how to inflate a balloon with farts. Still no way I'm gonna stop trying.
←Rate | 07-29-2011 13:31 by Doc Noalnd Comments (0)  


   messageicon The grass IS greener on the other side, but the gardener does not always show up.
←Rate | 08-05-2011 19:21 by BRian Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today was a good day. The mailman delivered my Billy Ocean cassette. Now I have finally fulfilled my Columbia House commitment.
←Rate | 09-11-2011 22:33 by Hilly Comments (0)  




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