Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Yes sir, I’ve spent more time in Facebook Jail than they gave Smollett.

   The republican party are "carnival barkers"

   is surprised that some group of backwoods pudknockers hasn't yet blamed President Obama for CAUSING the BP oil leak in the Gulf.

   If you're asking why there are no black folks in the movie Titanic. Who the hell do you think brought the luggages on board?

   If I could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people.

   Now that Biden won, watch me not wear his name on a hat or fly his flag on my lawn for 4 years like a f**kin weirdo.

   If a wheelchair athlete used WD-40, would it be considered a performance enhancing substance?

   when Ronald Regan was in office we had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have Obama in office with no hope and no cash

   Maybe Obama should have pitched Obamacare on Shark Tank?

   I thought lubing my arse with vegetable oil would make my poop come out faster, but I just slipped off the toilet and shat on the floor.. :(

   The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

   DID YOU KNOW......The tallest mountain on earth is under the ocean: Mauna Kea in Hawaii is 10,200 metres (33,465 ft) high. Mount Everest is 8,848 metres (29,029 ft) high.

   Lets face it tubby....YOUR FAT ! I am not going to sugar coat it,...cause you eat that to .

   They say curiosity killed the cat. Which is true, because "curiosity" is also what I nicknamed my shovel.

   Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status...After 5 it should default to 'Unstable'

   OMG = Obama Must Go

   If you want to worship someone who was tortured, killed, then came back to life, I'd say Wile E. Coyote should be it. He's the one who REALLY took one for the team.

   After knocking all the mens hats off, Bill was escorted out of the safety meeting screaming "I can dance if I want to"........

   Men who cry don't have nut sacks, they have testical purses.

   The Dough boy died of a yeast infection. He's survived by his wife Jayne & daughter, Dill Dough. Services to be held at 3:50 for 20 minutes.