Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon After the President asked for an intelligence audit, the FBI review showed that no signs of intelligence could be found at the White House.
←Rate | 03-19-2017 16:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not a professional pilot, but I can wear a pair of aviator glasses and helicopter my wiener in the front yard for like 3 hours straight! :-D
←Rate | 02-19-2014 22:53 by Interstate Cowboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Global Warming would not be a problem if people would stop producing so much hot air complaining about Global Warming.
←Rate | 05-07-2014 09:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't what the big deal is with Michael Sam. NASCAR has had Jeff Gordon for years! Bahahahaha!
←Rate | 05-12-2014 16:42 by Carrie J Comments (0)  


   messageicon i will destroy you in the most beautiful way
←Rate | 05-17-2014 10:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care for how many years human beings have been following a certain routine, custom or culture, if it doesn't make sense to me imma still gonna question it.
←Rate | 05-28-2014 13:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rihanna and Miley Cyrus could learn a great deal from other female musicians who don’t need to be naked to sell their music like Justin Bieber!
←Rate | 10-08-2013 13:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So apparently if you throw leftover cooked rice instead of uncooked rice at the bride during a wedding, you ruin her special day. Who knew.
←Rate | 10-19-2013 13:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I question guys right in the middle of sex, like: 'Are you enjoying this? Have I been courteous & kind? Would you recommend me to a friend if we ever break up?'
←Rate | 10-27-2013 12:59 by Karen Comments (1)  


   messageicon My number is #0. Which is good 'cause I'm from [insert home town] and you probably know it already
←Rate | 11-15-2013 15:20 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when I put food in the microwave and it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it's cold. Like why you gotta play me like that
←Rate | 11-15-2013 22:27 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's hard to get positive here for Nelson Mandela jokes, I guess you all were born in South Africa!
←Rate | 12-06-2013 02:46 by Lil-David Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fox can only sound like that if you kick it in the balls. . .
←Rate | 12-07-2013 07:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As I get off the rollercoaster that was 2013, I step into the elevator that is 2014, and press up. Sounds good on paper, anyway....lol
←Rate | 01-01-2014 17:11 by Bob B Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people's Twitter and Facebook updates are like a china shop filled with wrestlers battling over all its contents; you can find nothing worthwhile to read yet. Please learn something before updating and making fun of yourself.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 04:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your manhood has become a bit green, floppy and scaly. you could be suffering from a reptile dysfunction.
←Rate | 01-25-2014 15:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So now that she's dead, we can start putting booze in her drink. Right?
←Rate | 02-12-2014 07:47 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man is a rope stretched between the animal and the Superman.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 15:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you guys hear about the new restaurant that's opened on the moon? Apparently the food is great but there's no atmosphere......
←Rate | 02-03-2016 15:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is "Trump" and "Cruz" understood by some Americans, however those same Americans still don't know the difference between their, there, & they're.
←Rate | 03-12-2016 15:26 Comments (0)  




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