Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4663 of 6445

After the President asked for an intelligence audit, the FBI review showed that no signs of intelligence could be found at the White House.
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03-19-2017 16:07
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I'm not a professional pilot, but I can wear a pair of aviator glasses and helicopter my wiener in the front yard for like 3 hours straight! :-D

Global Warming would not be a problem if people would stop producing so much hot air complaining about Global Warming.
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05-07-2014 09:00
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I don't what the big deal is with Michael Sam. NASCAR has had Jeff Gordon for years! Bahahahaha!
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05-12-2014 16:42 by Carrie J
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i will destroy you in the most beautiful way
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05-17-2014 10:09
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I don't care for how many years human beings have been following a certain routine, custom or culture, if it doesn't make sense to me imma still gonna question it.
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05-28-2014 13:07
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Rihanna and Miley Cyrus could learn a great deal from other female musicians who don’t need to be naked to sell their music like Justin Bieber!
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10-08-2013 13:02
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So apparently if you throw leftover cooked rice instead of uncooked rice at the bride during a wedding, you ruin her special day. Who knew.
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10-19-2013 13:22
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I question guys right in the middle of sex, like: 'Are you enjoying this? Have I been courteous & kind? Would you recommend me to a friend if we ever break up?'
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10-27-2013 12:59 by Karen
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My number is #0. Which is good 'cause I'm from [insert home town] and you probably know it already

I hate when I put food in the microwave and it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it's cold. Like why you gotta play me like that
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11-15-2013 22:27 by BEGO
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It's hard to get positive here for Nelson Mandela jokes, I guess you all were born in South Africa!
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12-06-2013 02:46 by Lil-David
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A fox can only sound like that if you kick it in the balls. . .
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12-07-2013 07:13
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As I get off the rollercoaster that was 2013, I step into the elevator that is 2014, and press up. Sounds good on paper, anyway....lol
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01-01-2014 17:11 by Bob B
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Some people's Twitter and Facebook updates are like a china shop filled with wrestlers battling over all its contents; you can find nothing worthwhile to read yet. Please learn something before updating and making fun of yourself.
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01-06-2014 04:06
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If your manhood has become a bit green, floppy and scaly. you could be suffering from a reptile dysfunction.
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01-25-2014 15:16
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So now that she's dead, we can start putting booze in her drink. Right?
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02-12-2014 07:47 by Michael
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Man is a rope stretched between the animal and the Superman.
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02-12-2014 15:06
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Did you guys hear about the new restaurant that's opened on the moon? Apparently the food is great but there's no atmosphere......
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02-03-2016 15:37
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Why is "Trump" and "Cruz" understood by some Americans, however those same Americans still don't know the difference between their, there, & they're.
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03-12-2016 15:26
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