Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks that thinking about the thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think

   No porn music has ever gone "bow-chicks-wow-wow" ever. EVER!

   Im gunna make a copy of my facebook and sell it..

   I still not comfortable with how we spell coffee.

   Ah doan care what any of y'all say, ain't no man likes a tattoo on da tiddy.

   CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC News and Facebook did to our parents what they said video games would do to us.

   I don’t go to Starbucks very often. It’s intimidating. I never know how to order. Last time I ended up with a cup of hot dog water.

   TAMPAX is keeping their jobs in America now, too! Trump really must have had to pull some strings to keep them here!

   even my six year old knows you would have to be an immature loser to tweet a complete falsehood about a foe and wait ten days to admit you didn't actually mean what you wrote.

   After the President asked for an intelligence audit, the FBI review showed that no signs of intelligence could be found at the White House.

   Someone told me to check my White Privilege. I looked and said "Yep. Got it right here."

   When asked why he was wearing a tuxedo to his vasectomy. Tyrone said, well if I'm gona be impotent, I might as well look impotent.

   more proof that hot chicks can get away with murder

   so many potential future ex girlfirends, so little time.

   hates it when I get a chain letter/email and I die the next day.

   Just saw the neighbor's little kid trying to put some whipped cream on his pet cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night he wasn't supposed to

   I can't remember where I put my xanex

   just a thought... practice what you preach!!!

   Fool people into thinking you actually go outside by updating your Facebook status via your mobile phone

   Will you be my future ex girlfriend?