Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4661 of 6374
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My wife says I look tough with my headphones on...she doesnt need to know I am listening to Annie
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05-09-2012 19:42 by Migasjoe
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I may be rude crude and socially unnacceptable but I'm cute dammit!
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05-16-2012 00:10
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: Nothing in the world is more obnoxious than a middle-aged white woman on her second glass of wine. Seriously, calm down
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05-16-2012 14:37 by SKoop
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More than 7 billion other people in the world,and not one of them is naked in front me right now. That's not right...
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Wise man:"Some girls beg, some girls borrow. Some girls lead & some girls follow. Some bring joy & some bring sorrow, but the best girls just suck & swallow!"
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05-17-2012 17:13
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Has a dream that one day, all women will be judged not by the content of their character but by the contents of their blouse....
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10-25-2011 13:38
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I shot someone with a starting pistol.I've been charged with race crimes
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Seriously! How do they train the animals look so sad in those ASPCA commercials? They are convincing.
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Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
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I miss the days when I could easily guess the password to my parents computer! Now I have to dust for fingerprints to sign in :(
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11-14-2011 19:15 by Slasher
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Thank you Charlotte for bringing all the farm animals together by being the first ever Social Network "Web" Designer.
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Kodak recently filed for bankruptcy after 130 years in business.. I'd like to see the company just reorganize, but we'll see how it goes as the story develops.
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02-09-2012 12:58 by snott
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Young guys with beards are always secretly sad when you talk to them & don't compliment their beard.
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02-17-2012 00:40 by Fadolo
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My least favorite method of birth control is probably the beaver dam.
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02-22-2012 17:59
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Me: so doc, if I get this lung surgery, will I be able to do a backflip? Doc: yes, of course. Me: awesome, cuz I could never do that before.
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12-05-2011 13:39 by Katana
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If you worry, you didn't pray... If you prayed, don't worry.
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12-13-2011 00:29
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Classified Ad: Looking for a new Stadium and a new Quarterback.
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12-16-2010 15:10
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The Co-op ran of out of milk again because of the bad weather. Thankfully Doreen, my 92 yr old neighbour, has loads of it piled up at her front door.
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12-21-2010 07:44 by @clarkysj
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what if she has a boyfriend.. Soccer has a goaly too ;)
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01-04-2011 21:02
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it sad that I'm more excited for jersey shore tonight, then I was when the ball was dropping on new years eve???
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01-06-2011 19:30
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