Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What is the difference between sin and shame? It's a sin to stick it in, and it's a shame to take it out.

   EGYPTIAN LIBERATION PARTY TONIGHT @ THE SPHINX..EVERYBODY GETS LAID!!! Sponsored by Girls Gone Nile'd

   New course now available at Trump University! The Art Of The Deal: Step 1) Bargain. 2) Fail. 3) Give up. 4) Blame others. 5) Go golfing.

   3.67 billion Women in the world and I just had to make my own sandwich! :(

   I like my women like I like my milk. White and fat free

   it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I'm trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.

   Question of the day: Do people eat Tide Pods because Trump is president, or is Trump president because people are dumb enough to eat Tide Pods?

   WORD OF THE DAY: OBAMA. As in: I bought a 12 pack of beer and drank it OBAMA self.

   Statistics show that 1 in 20 of us live next door to a convicted pedophile. Not me though, I live next to two stunning 12 year olds.

   Marriage should have an expression date!

   The three stages of a relationship: 1. xoxo, 2. xxx & 3. ex

   When I'm on my death bed, I want my last words to be "Left rS. 10million in the..."

   I filed a lawsuit against Nabisco for blatant racism. I opened up a box of premium saltines and every one of them was a cracker.

   if you listen very carefuly you can hear Monday sharpen her claws in the distance

   never a follower......that's what 'Twits' are for.

   thinks scare-crows should get Nobel prizes because they are out standing in their field

   Midgets smell different things in crowded elevators.

   Miami Heat are a big bunch of cry babies... LeBron is a douche. THEY SUCK!!

   What if you just started licking the dentists fingers while they were in your mouth...

   Hey, did you know that Bruce...."He goes by Caitlyn now."... Ugh,,, fine. Did you know that Caitlyn Wayne is Batman?