Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight. 
Happy Independence Day to all Indians out here...Married Men may ignore this message :-)
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades…or a game of fake heart attack.
screw the dog...a kitty is a mans best friend!
What's LOVE? In math: A problem... In history: A war... In chemistry: A reaction... In art: A heart...In me: You...
My girlfriend and I went to stay with her parents at the weekend, but her dad wouldn't let us sleep together. ... Which is a shame, because I fancy him.
Happy Hurricane Season.......
In her defense my mom used to say "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it"...
The heat hasn't been this bad since the NBA Finals...
EGYPTIAN LIBERATION PARTY TONIGHT @ THE SPHINX..EVERYBODY GETS LAID!!! Sponsored by Girls Gone Nile'd
What is the difference between sin and shame? It's a sin to stick it in, and it's a shame to take it out.
i think jay z and beyonce child is gonna be the anti christ... i'm just saying
I had 'that talk' with my son last night. The one about drugs. You know, the one where I tell him I smoke pot
Not feeling smart today? There are grown adults who actually believe that two penguins walked all the way from Antarctica to the Middle East to get aboard an ark built by a 500 year old man.
accidentally blew my duck call backwards and I called in Carson Kressley from queer eye for the straight guy. That was weird
Millions of years ago dinosaurs ruled the earth but like all great empires they were eventually brought down by religious fanatics
When a man talks dirty to a women, its sexual harassment. When a women talks dirty to a man its $3.95 per hour.
World Cup Soccer reminds me of poor mans hockey
We have great news. We're pregnant!... Awesome! Do you know the sex yet?...Of course we know "the sex",, How do you think we got pregnant, silly
Adrian Peterson, Ray Rice, and Greg Hardy are collaborating on a new song with Chris Brown. It's sure to be a HIT. 