Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   DNA Tests today confirmed danny devito is arnolds love child..

   I have more friends on Facebook then I do for real

   Women beg for love wit sex and guys beg for sex wit love.

   If you didn't have all this money, I'd still love you..and miss you very much.

   Life and Wife are two words that rhyme, but if you have one, you can't have the other!

   decided to go on a Light Diet....whenever there's light...I eat.

   texting Buffy her next victim...EDWARD

   so far, this is the oldest I've ever been

   There's a reminder on my calendar for tomorrow that inexplicably just says "LEOPARD". This has been bothering me all month.

   Love doesn't cost a thing... except tears, a broken heart, wasted time, and half ur sh!t.

   They always say never work with animals or kids, this is especially true in porn. :/

   so who wants to take bets on a William and Kate sex tape scandal by the end of the year?

   I nominate everyone for the vodka bucket challenge.

   Spiders - because men need to feel useful.

   Ever thrown a cat into a swimming pool? Same thing happens when you think a woman is mad and ask “are you mad?”

   Eat a banana lengthwise if you don't want anyone to sit by you.

   There's no such thing as a straight guy with a bedazzled cellphone.

   We live in a world of smart phones and dumb people!

   "Christmas" Trees $5.00 per ft...."Holiday" Trees $20 per ft......Merry Christmas!

   All those exercise videos are worthless, I bought and watch them over and over and not lost one lb