Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   They call me Dr. Love, I got the cure you're thinkin' of.

   I'm putting out my own sex tape. Sure, it's only duct tape, but you can use it for sex too.

   Knows that some people are like slinkies, there not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

   I was arrested for impersonating a police officer last night.It turned out alright in the end though; I let myself go without pressing any charges.

   Don't judge a a person on some crap that you heard about their past. If you wasn't in it then it's none of your business.!!!

   Please don't wish me sweet dreams, I am diabetic.

   my "sleep number" is a 12.....pack

   If you watch the looting videos in reverse, they are really generous people

   I hate when a singer I can't stand comes out with a song that is UNLIKE them and I like it and don't even realize it is them. Then someone tells me who it is and it ruins the song for me.

   texting Buffy her next victim...EDWARD

   so far, this is the oldest I've ever been

   Women beg for love wit sex and guys beg for sex wit love.

   If you didn't have all this money, I'd still love you..and miss you very much.

   Life and Wife are two words that rhyme, but if you have one, you can't have the other!

   decided to go on a Light Diet....whenever there's light...I eat.

   DNA Tests today confirmed danny devito is arnolds love child..

   I have more friends on Facebook then I do for real

   so who wants to take bets on a William and Kate sex tape scandal by the end of the year?

   There's a reminder on my calendar for tomorrow that inexplicably just says "LEOPARD". This has been bothering me all month.

   Love doesn't cost a thing... except tears, a broken heart, wasted time, and half ur sh!t.