Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Please don't wish me sweet dreams, I am diabetic.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 14:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon my "sleep number" is a 12.....pack
←Rate | 08-20-2011 23:12 by oatmeal Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you watch the looting videos in reverse, they are really generous people
←Rate | 08-21-2011 10:55 by No Body Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when a singer I can't stand comes out with a song that is UNLIKE them and I like it and don't even realize it is them. Then someone tells me who it is and it ruins the song for me.
←Rate | 09-08-2011 22:22 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon texting Buffy her next victim...EDWARD
←Rate | 02-04-2011 15:22 Comments (1)  


   messageicon so far, this is the oldest I've ever been
←Rate | 02-15-2011 22:44 by Justinjrouser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women beg for love wit sex and guys beg for sex wit love.
←Rate | 07-04-2011 09:37 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you didn't have all this money, I'd still love you..and miss you very much.
←Rate | 07-15-2011 10:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life and Wife are two words that rhyme, but if you have one, you can't have the other!
←Rate | 07-31-2011 16:02 by BAD GUY Comments (0)  


   messageicon decided to go on a Light Diet....whenever there's light...I eat.
←Rate | 03-10-2011 13:25 by mullerman Comments (0)  


   messageicon DNA Tests today confirmed danny devito is arnolds love child..
←Rate | 05-27-2011 12:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have more friends on Facebook then I do for real
←Rate | 06-26-2011 00:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon so who wants to take bets on a William and Kate sex tape scandal by the end of the year?
←Rate | 04-28-2011 00:54 by Silho Uette Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a reminder on my calendar for tomorrow that inexplicably just says "LEOPARD". This has been bothering me all month.
←Rate | 09-15-2011 10:34 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love doesn't cost a thing... except tears, a broken heart, wasted time, and half ur sh!t.
←Rate | 09-21-2011 03:24 by bb Comments (0)  


   messageicon They always say never work with animals or kids, this is especially true in porn. :/
←Rate | 10-11-2011 11:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seeking one-night stand... Possibly 2 because I have two lamps.
←Rate | 02-09-2022 14:59 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd prefer to believe in Scientology rather than that stupid Q conspiracy.
←Rate | 09-24-2020 09:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it wrong to write, "He owed me $50" in the funeral guest book?
←Rate | 04-07-2021 06:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife thinks I’m crazy. But I’m not the one who married me.
←Rate | 10-26-2021 10:56 Comments (0)  




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