Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Just wanna do something crazy right now, like run naked through the sprinklers, or vote for Obama!
←Rate | 11-29-2011 10:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 50% of Students get a job after college? Oh wait if you voted for Obama you didn't go to college....my bad
←Rate | 11-07-2012 01:00 by Eddiethekid Comments (0)  


   messageicon living vicariously through herself.
←Rate | 06-30-2008 17:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon He said " I dont know why you were a bra, you have nothing to put in it." She says "Well you wear pants dont you?"
←Rate | 01-04-2010 21:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon why does snoop dogg carry around an umbrella... --fo drizzle!
←Rate | 01-15-2010 18:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel confident that Laim Neeson would be there for me if I listed him as my emergency contact.
←Rate | 11-02-2012 22:18 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when I'm at a restaurant, and they ask me, "Would you like a table?" , "No not all all, I came here to eat on the floor B!@tch!!!"....."Carpet for 3 Please!
←Rate | 09-08-2012 19:42 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon Duck Tales should be the replacement for Duck Dynasty-Huey, Dewy, and Louie only had one McQuack!
←Rate | 12-20-2013 03:35 by Lil-David Comments (0)  


   messageicon Searchers of the missing Malaysian plane have found the Wings, Mr & Mrs Wing say they don't know where the plane is though!
←Rate | 03-15-2014 16:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 relatives I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny updates, 9 "in relationship to single, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites
←Rate | 12-12-2011 20:30 by melb Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care what anyone says. MySpace is NOT dead. I just friended two hotties. Wilma and Betty. In ya face, suckas!
←Rate | 04-25-2012 07:34 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tim Tebow predicted Alabama's win at 3:16 this afternoon
←Rate | 01-10-2012 00:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon remember when cops really wanted to PROTECT and SERVE and teachers really wanted to EDUCATE children? I miss the 1800's
←Rate | 02-25-2011 22:02 by Yojimbo Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd like to give a shout out to my probation officer!! Woot woot I passed My drug test
←Rate | 04-30-2011 18:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman is suing Chuck E Cheese because it leads to "compulsive gambling". That is like suing Walmart for "compulsive uglyness".
←Rate | 05-25-2011 01:27 by Brent Comments (0)  


   messageicon And then God created the Middle East and said 'let there be terrorism and war'.
←Rate | 06-19-2014 13:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The reason women ask so many questions is because they have an extra why chromosome.................
←Rate | 08-18-2011 12:38 by @anikethmendonca Comments (0)  


   messageicon undressing your profile pic with his eyes and you look hot
←Rate | 04-22-2008 22:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got MLK?
←Rate | 01-16-2011 23:19 by @Jason_Vasquez Comments (0)  


   messageicon His dad was Mexican, His mother Italian, Both were Jedi Masters..... He's, Old Bean Juan Cannoli. (lol, I'm not even sorry)
←Rate | 08-17-2013 16:23 by snotty Comments (0)  




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