Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When LeBron James gets a mosquito bite, he looks around for a ref.

   Single women are the reason women are single

   Change your FB profile picture to a hot pin up model/actress from whenever. The goal is not to see an ugly face on Facebook until December 7th. Support those that aren't getting any.

   Why the hell didn't the Hamburglar ever steal and eat Mayor McCheese? I mean he was, after all, an ENORMOUS burger.

   Trump has the same problem with the wall as he does in the bedroom ... he can't get it up.

   God talked to J ews like 500 times in the Old Testament, and not one warning about the Nazis.

   Then Satan spake and said, "He who is full of sin, let him cast the last stone."

   If Obama was the answer it must have been a stupid question!!

   Aren't they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?

   Bush tried, & failed. Clinton tried, & failed Obama tried, & succeeded. The moral of this is... If you want someone dead, hire a black man!

   I can’t believe it’s already bank collapse season… I still have my train derailment decorations up.

   Now that Biden won, watch me not wear his name on a hat or fly his flag on my lawn for 4 years like a f**kin weirdo.

   That uneasy moment when you realise Facebook has made more CHANGES than OBAMA.

   after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.

   DON'T put a question mark where GOD has put a period. ;)

   COVID is going to be an excuse for horrible restaurant service for years to come.

   never on schedule, but always on time. Ah the old days.

   Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its a teabag

   It's Mardi Gras and International Women's Day. Now, which one of you b*tches wants to earn some beads?

   I don't have to thank noone for Friday because its a natural phenomenon controlled by nobody but nature.