Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   COVID is going to be an excuse for horrible restaurant service for years to come.

   never on schedule, but always on time. Ah the old days.

   Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its a teabag

   It's Mardi Gras and International Women's Day. Now, which one of you b*tches wants to earn some beads?

   I don't have to thank noone for Friday because its a natural phenomenon controlled by nobody but nature.

   Just wanna do something crazy right now, like run naked through the sprinklers, or vote for Obama!

   50% of Students get a job after college? Oh wait if you voted for Obama you didn't go to college....my bad

   living vicariously through herself.

   He said " I dont know why you were a bra, you have nothing to put in it." She says "Well you wear pants dont you?"

   why does snoop dogg carry around an umbrella... --fo drizzle!

   I feel confident that Laim Neeson would be there for me if I listed him as my emergency contact.

   I hate when I'm at a restaurant, and they ask me, "Would you like a table?" , "No not all all, I came here to eat on the floor B!@tch!!!"....."Carpet for 3 Please!

   Duck Tales should be the replacement for Duck Dynasty-Huey, Dewy, and Louie only had one McQuack!

   Searchers of the missing Malaysian plane have found the Wings, Mr & Mrs Wing say they don't know where the plane is though!

   ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 relatives I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny updates, 9 "in relationship to single, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites

   I don't care what anyone says. MySpace is NOT dead. I just friended two hotties. Wilma and Betty. In ya face, suckas!

   Tim Tebow predicted Alabama's win at 3:16 this afternoon

   A woman is suing Chuck E Cheese because it leads to "compulsive gambling". That is like suing Walmart for "compulsive uglyness".

   I'd like to give a shout out to my probation officer!! Woot woot I passed My drug test

   remember when cops really wanted to PROTECT and SERVE and teachers really wanted to EDUCATE children? I miss the 1800's