Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Seduce my mind and you can have my body. Find my soul and I'm yours. 
Women are like stamps. We lick them and send them on their way.
Trying to explain to my blackberry with the death of Mr. Jobs that usually we take a MOMENT of silence not DAYS!!
there has to be more in this universe, because earth is not where I belong
Confucius Say: When wife complain too much about no magic in marriage, husband will disappear.
Pretending to be someone else is hurting and sabotaging yourself because you're telling yourself that the real you, is useless and worthless.
The Red Plastic Cup.... Making you feel like 15 to 24 years old again!
awake and alive __ and the coffee is at its Sunday best; I love these moments :)
Lady GaGa looked like Ralph Machio from Karate Kid on the VMA's tonight
So i'm heading down to the ballgame with my 2 buddies, and some guy says to me: "are they going too". I replied: "No, there just coming to sit in the car while I watch the game"... Why do people stupidly state the obvious?
I run with scissors. It makes me feel dangerous.
Unfortunately, its hard to get real, useful advice nowadays. But on the other hand, you have different fingers...
How can you keep earth clean when it's made of dirt and water?
Dear Boomtown Rats, It's true I can't tell you why YOU don't like Mondays, but here's a list of reasons why I don't....a) they start too early, b) they finish too late, c) they last ALL day, d) they just keep coming back EVERY FRICKIN WEEK. That is all.
Lady Gaga... "Being asked to be godmother of Elton Johns son brought a lump to my throat." No Gaga that's called an adams apple, mate.
it's never to early in life to do anything...except get out of bed!
Just deleted all attractive people from his facebook friends list. Woah that feels better.
While I'm Gone....Just smile it's the 2nd Best thing you can do with your Lips....
If you send me a "send this back" text, I will send it back to you 100 times.
When I poke, I poke 2 fingers at a time, and I'm coming for your eyes! 