Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4613 of 6452

The saying goes "Always wear cleaned underwear, you never know when your going to be hit by a bus." But isn't it when you get hit by the bus, you SH*T yourself, already ruining your clean knickers?

BP Says It Has Successfully Contained Flow of Information About Spill
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06-13-2010 09:48
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The most powerful position is on your knees.
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06-29-2010 08:33
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Why using botox, when there is a cheaper way. Blow into a Vuvuzela and after 20 minutes you look better than Angelina Jolie ever did
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07-02-2010 11:09
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Doing the old "how many women have I slept with" count. God I hate fractions.
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07-14-2010 10:40 by BadFocus
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one of you people has stolen my brain, and I want it back raight naow bfoor tinghs dtt ny wurs

life has no remote.change it yourself
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07-18-2010 02:43 by hamiisi
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Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
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07-28-2010 19:28 by craig
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put the bom in the bom sha-bom bom, but lays no claim to the ram in the ramalama ding dong
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10-30-2010 09:36
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anyone heard anything about Cam Newton? It's been kinda quiet the past 3 minutes

You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.

thankful he's not a turkey

This is a 1:1 scale model of a Facebook update.
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12-02-2010 21:58
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Why doesn't Homeland Security call the new "If You See Something, Say Something" campaign, "The National Tattle-Tell Campaign"?
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12-06-2010 15:54
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My girlfriend made me promise that when I fly home this Christmas it was her that I fantasized about during my "TSA pat down"

My credit score looks like the speed limit!

My wife is the most irrational person I've ever met. Well, technically, she's tied for first with every other woman I've met...
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12-14-2013 14:46
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My landlord is a very evil man, I'm going to call Kim Jong and tell him all about "My Uncle"
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12-15-2013 13:38 by Lil-David
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Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
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12-17-2013 09:46
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Starting a Book Club. First rule of Book Club: read Fight Club.