Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4613 of 6384
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
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12-17-2013 09:46
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Starting a Book Club. First rule of Book Club: read Fight Club.
One man's sarcastic answer, is another man's stupid question!
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12-31-2013 16:59
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So after being on a non-stop holiday food binge, I mustered the courage to step on my talking bathroom scales this morning. It said "One at a time, please." FML.
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01-01-2014 12:41
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I'm not wrong very often but when I am it's his fault.
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01-10-2014 08:02 by Karen
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I went to the doctor for $hits and giggles because I'm pretty sure those two things arent suppose to happen at the same time.
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01-25-2014 16:48 by cicci
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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
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01-31-2014 08:32
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it me or did Bruno mars smoked some of James Brown weed?
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02-02-2014 20:24
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Dude's name on that Bud commercial is LT. NADD! GO NADD!
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02-02-2014 20:59
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Some souls are consumed with what grows in the garden of others and then wonder, why their own does not flourish.
The best thing about becoming a parent is that you don't have to pay $50 to get peed on anymore.
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06-23-2015 11:11
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I'm not sure teenagers understand that by having unproteced sex, you can catch aweful diseases. And not only kids, but STD's too!
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07-02-2015 08:25
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Elon Musk (President of Tesla Motors) needs to change his name. He sounds like a new fragrance from Pierre Cardin.
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07-08-2015 13:22
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I hate it when I have a bunch of company over and I don't have enough cholophorme for all of them and I have to use it on myself.
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07-10-2015 13:58
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Breaking news: 50 Cent is looking to play a gig for Nickleback.
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07-13-2015 23:33
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I get called into cat-boss office,,, *Boss staring intensely at red dot on wall... "Cancel all my appointments I'm not to be disturbed".... "Yes Sir."
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07-14-2015 20:13 by snotty
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Time is the only real enemy......* JK. It’s spiders.
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07-25-2015 18:33 by snotty
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If I put on a latex glove and snap it, that's just me flirting
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08-21-2015 01:31
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let my personalities out for a night...I woke up with two hookers, a penguin, a pineapple, five teeth missing, and a tattoo that read "I'M FREE".
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10-22-2015 23:44
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Monday's aren't bad.. You just hate your job
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10-26-2015 09:01
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