Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4609 of 6384
CNN was showing a woman counting ballots. I haven't seen coverage like this, since Sesame Street.
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01-04-2012 18:48
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Girlfriends are like credit cards, you can't get one unless you already have one.
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01-10-2012 23:22
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My head says, “Go to the gym.” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”!
shocked to learn his son has been telling lies at school.....I've got no kids!
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01-19-2012 15:37
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Random disturbing Thought for the Day~Where do cops in nudist colonies pin their badges?? Or...hide their weapons for that matter........
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01-25-2012 13:41 by Tami
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This new season of 24 sucks...Jack Bauer hasn't had to kill anyone yet
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01-25-2012 22:21 by migasjoe
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anyone gonna tell Americas Funniest Videos that theres youtube?
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11-18-2011 19:14 by tsparks
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If you're having trouble with using the correct your/you're, just use “ur” because ur a moron
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11-20-2011 00:50
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Blackberry's r like girls, they only work when you touch d right button! iPhones are like men,...1 Touch anywhere & they respond...!! :) :D
People are like books. You can't judge them by appearance alone and it's not cool to burn a big pile of them.
That uneasy moment when Edward Cullen and Santa Clause run into each other because they're both watching you sleep.
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11-23-2011 13:35
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Scotch looks delicious, but then you take one sip and it tastes like a leather furniture store that's on fire.
Personally, I'd like to see Gillette come out with an eight-ply roll of toilette paper.
2011: bros before hoes 1800: brethren foregoing lasses.
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12-01-2011 00:28
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I don't have much of a moral compass, but sometimes I still use a character map.
Having blue teeth would be cooler than wearing a Bluetooth.
Call one of those sexy girl hotline and they charge by the minute. Just my luck I got a sexy girl who stutters
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12-18-2011 00:18
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RIP Kim Jong-il. I loved you on Community and those Hangover movies.
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12-19-2011 00:36
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Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this op
It seems that nowadays people just add random symbols or letters after a colon and call it an emoticon. Like really? What the hell does :H mean.
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10-18-2011 20:11 by g0re
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