Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4606 of 6384
A marriage is like a deck of cards. In the begining all you need is a diamond and a heart, by the end you wish you had a F'n club and a spade
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08-22-2013 15:17 by SEAN
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Lets be honest here. If Ben Affleck as Batman ruined your weekend, there wasn't much to ruin in the first place.
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08-24-2013 16:28
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Christmas will be here sooner than you think. Forget the gifts and commercialization, make it a time to be Merry. Unless you live in San Francisco....then make it a time to be Mary.
Too sick to get out of bed, the batteries in the remote control died while channel surfing, and now the TV is stuck on a SpongeBob SquarePants marathon. Oh death, where is thy sting?
I want to have kids because I think I'd look really good in pictures with them.
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11-11-2012 03:03
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I'm that guy that carries a boombox on his shoulder at funerals with "Circle of Life" ready to play in case a pregnant woman gives birth.
a kid gets hurt in a bounce house every 46 minutes so I only let mine play for 45 minutes...
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11-26-2012 15:39
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Why couldn't that Down Under DJ pulled that trick on a Kardashian? Just saying, LOL
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12-10-2012 23:22
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I don't want to brag, but lately I've been getting A LOT of attention from a Nigerian prince!
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07-23-2012 15:24
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Sometimes life beats you up and you forget how awesome you are. Thank god for alcohol to help you remember.
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07-27-2012 06:22
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i just want to know when the chick-on-chick-fil-a sandwich comes out
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08-03-2012 19:11
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Guess who has two thumbs and is high off bath salt… sh!t where are my fu cking thumbs…
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08-06-2012 12:43 by one
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“I vant to suck your hemoglobin.” -Count Dorkula
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08-12-2012 15:00
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Mention me in your will. Just give me a shout out or something.
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08-13-2012 03:44
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If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
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08-20-2012 20:58 by BigV
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I'm no zombie, but I do like brain ; )
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08-22-2012 12:35
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My EX is crazy, if her emotions were on my iPod, they would be on shuffle.
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08-22-2012 21:43 by BEGO
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I see Girls trying to break up with their boyfriends now cause the weather changing
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04-19-2013 21:35 by BEGO
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The female body is a grand evolutionary symphony of grace and striking beauty that soothes the tumultuous soul. The male body is umm a body.
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04-30-2013 13:19
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I am as nervous as Oscar Pistorius's mother on Mother's Day.
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05-12-2013 11:47
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