Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   People used to protest things... Now they just join Facebook groups named 1,000,000 strong against ___________ .

   The Hoff's singing is huge in Germany. He should be proud. Germans have always been known 4 their sound judgment

   I wouldn't feel too good about yourself... "inner beauty" is just a nice way of saying you're fat.

   "Wonder Bread , Fluff and Skippy" a timeless combination

   thinks throwback week is almost as much fun as post your bra color week.

   Screwed-up people settle fights through violence. Screwed-up people start wars that could kill millions. Normal people settle fights through cookies, cakes, and pies. Normal people are fat.

   99% of all women leave there mouth open while applying the makeups, 1 % dont have mirrors

   There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

   ...just got back from embarrassing himself in front of the Queen. She really doesn't have any idea what a "tea bag" is, and now I'm not allowed withing 1,000 meters of her...

   kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it.

   defeat is not the worst of failures, not to have tried is the true failure!

   atleast none of us agree with tom cruise lol.... now back to the good ol days of funny updates shall we

   Going to the mall today to sit on Cupid's lap and tell him who I want for Valentine's day.

   if you look up "cool" in the dictionary you'll see marked by calm self-control (especially in trying circumstances); unemotional; "play it cool"; "keep cool"; don't be a liar...I just checked the dictionary.

   hated my many. Confronted my none!

   Smoking does not actually kill you. There are plenty of old people in Europe.

   Seriously, why is Lindsay Lohan's 4th drug test fail helicopter-worthy? At this point the press should be sending scooters.

   "Of course I was driving under the influence, I'm too drunk to walk!"

   Excuses: Elementary School - "He started it!" Middle School - "It was a dare!" High School - "I was drunk."

   Wow..Thought I just seen a cool bass boat next to me, turns out to be a 64 Impala!