Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4572 of 6369
"Hell hath no fury" because women have it all.
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05-15-2015 10:26
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It was probably just a goat with one horn missing that just happened to fly because unicorns aren't real.
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02-17-2014 12:45
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No I don't look at ANY of my exs and ask myself "what was I thinking?" Or "was I drunk the whole time" I know exactly what I was thinking and doing.
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02-19-2014 11:08
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Those little Girl Scout devils got me again. It never fails...
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02-22-2014 15:27 by sully
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I've joined the National Exaggerators Club, 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 members and growing.
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03-06-2014 09:46
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Watched girls gone wild last night...okay it was store security video during black Friday but still...
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03-09-2014 10:10 by howie
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whats the difference between a plane & in-laws? the whole world is worried about a plane when it's missing
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03-17-2014 03:05 by Eddy
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At what point does the amount of abnormal in your life become so great that abnormal is your new normal?
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04-07-2014 14:00 by Czovczov
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Women who believe 'the way to a man's heart is through his stomach' is why divorce lawyers are so rich.
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04-11-2014 14:04
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Sir your resume just says 'FUN' in huge letters and then you list all the crimes you've committed.
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04-22-2014 13:49 by Baddie
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The nice thing about picking up hitch hikers is that you can use the car pool lane before they kill you.
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04-29-2014 04:59
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Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
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05-02-2014 20:13
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There are some souls you meet and you know right away you'll love them forever and laugh together in heaven or fry together in hell.
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05-03-2014 07:14
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That sounds fried. I'll take it.
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05-09-2014 10:34
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Batman and Robin were the pioneers of the yoga pants!
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05-10-2014 10:33
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Dating tip: gently but quickly place her in the trunk before she asks any questions like, who are you?
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05-13-2014 09:18
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Know what's sexy? Not waking me up.
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06-06-2014 12:20
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I just love Cinemax late at night , don't you?
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12-02-2013 02:34
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When I have to choose between " the lesser of two evils"...I want both of them
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12-04-2013 13:46
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Surprise your husband or wife this holiday season with consensual sex.
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12-05-2013 02:11
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