Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I want to walk up to your dad, kick him square in the nuts and ask him WHY.
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03-26-2013 09:07 by frankiej
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It's been over 30 years but I still have a bone to pick with my guidance counselor. Becoming a computer programmer did NOT make me a chick magnet. That's the last time I ever take advice from someone wearing Vulcan ears.
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09-07-2012 22:56
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It should be illegal to be up this early.
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09-20-2012 07:20
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I'll pretend to find you funny if you pretend to like me.
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09-29-2012 07:28 by Czovczov
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I'll let you hold my son before I ever let you hold my beer. Which is probably a good idea since I'll be too drunk to do it myself.
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10-02-2012 05:18 by Baddie
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We were bored and pretended it was love.
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10-09-2012 14:34
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Before I fall in love I usually fall over the barstool.
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10-14-2012 06:17 by Baddie
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Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.
What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?
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06-29-2010 08:30
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bail money, check, mankini, check, whipped cream, check, jelly wrestling for dummies guide book, check, stubbie holder, check, panadole, check......... Cairns here I come.
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07-02-2010 00:13 by tails277
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it's impossible to fool-proof anything because fools are so ingenious.
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07-07-2010 17:52 by Joser
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I've been embraced by reality... does anyone know how to make it let go?
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
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07-31-2010 10:53
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If I do enough different things in enough different ways, I may, eventually, do something right.
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08-01-2010 11:44
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NBA rookie of the year was video taped doing 120 mph. In his defense, he claimed that he was being chased by Maury Povich.
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08-01-2010 21:00
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Guys, I know when people die they say to move on. I don't want that. Bury me in a time capsule and dig me up every 10 years. NEVER FORGET!
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08-15-2010 12:16
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As a social experiment next semester, I'm going to walk up to strangers and follow them.
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08-20-2010 09:58
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Hacking and coughing with this cold. If I hack up a lung can it be sold on the black market?
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08-25-2010 10:40
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No meal tastes as delicious as the meal that someone else cooks.
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08-25-2010 12:26 by MBH
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in financial ruins.. well, i'm off to the mall to buy things that I don't need to make me feel better about my debt. :
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10-07-2010 20:34 by Rayy
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