Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4555 of 6370
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
←Rate |
08-27-2011 10:03 by COREY
Comments (0)
5 reasons hurricanes are like Christmas...5) Family & friends out-of state-calling you 4) Last minute shopping in crowded stores 3) Days off from work 2) Candles 1) And at some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!
Beauty without virtue is like a rose without scent.
←Rate |
08-27-2011 08:04
Comments (0)
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center. --Vonnegut
←Rate |
08-27-2011 03:05
Comments (0)
Why is it that a woman can get a tattoo of a naked fairy sitting on a half moon and its sexy, but when a guy gets a naked wizard making love to a dragon its creepy?
←Rate |
08-27-2011 01:31 by flinnie
Comments (0)
Turns out, no matter how many Oreos you can fit into your mouth at one time, this doesn't need to come up in a job interview.
←Rate |
08-27-2011 01:28 by flinnie
Comments (0)
A surprise party is a great way to show your woman how awesome you are at lying to her face
←Rate |
08-27-2011 01:23 by flinnie
Comments (0)
Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
←Rate |
08-27-2011 01:12
Comments (0)
All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that's their own fault.
←Rate |
08-27-2011 01:11
Comments (0)
Like for Ron Paul 2012 Dislike For Obama 2012
←Rate |
08-27-2011 01:02
Comments (0)
Dear Hurricane Irene: Don't disappoint me like the " Rapture" a few months ago. Their are only so many times I'm willing to sit naked on my deck with a cigar expecting the "end times". Bring It, you stinky b!tch. I made potato salad.....
←Rate |
08-27-2011 00:21 by mackey 16
Comments (0)
I saw a man in a dress, with a hearing aid, smoking a joint. One of those high deaf TVs.
←Rate |
08-26-2011 23:31 by K-Mac
Comments (0)
♫♪♫♪ Toora Loora Toora Loo-Rye-Aye ♪♪♫♫ Come on, Irene♫♪♪
←Rate |
08-26-2011 23:28
Comments (0)
I noticed the storm track seems to be somewhere between the moon and New York City!
As a show of support for all my friends effected by or responding to Hurricane Irene, I am currently sitting in a washer set to spin............
←Rate |
08-26-2011 23:08 by sully
Comments (0)
How is being married like a hurricane? There is a lot of blowing at first, but sooner or later your gonna lose your house.
my smart phone is the dumbest in its class!
←Rate |
08-26-2011 22:18
Comments (0)
Got my passport application forms back today. Apparently in the Place of Birth section:"between my mother's legs" isn't an acceptable answer!!!
←Rate |
08-26-2011 21:03
Comments (0)
Google refuses to give churches the same discounts as other non-profits. Apparently they believe in the separation of church and search
←Rate |
08-26-2011 19:51 by flinnie
Comments (0)
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
←Rate |
08-26-2011 19:47 by Aaron
Comments (0)