Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4547 of 6446

¡¡¡ƃuılıǝɔ ƃuıʞɔ*ɟ ʎɯ ɟɟo ʇǝƃ `lǝuoıl ʎǝɥ
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12-15-2009 12:41 by Ryan C.
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..crossword puzzles always remind her of her arguments with her exes. One word leads to another...

If Facebook is running slower than my brain before breakfast, they should probably fix the problem asap.
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01-31-2010 08:04
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mutilating a Foreigner song, just to be an a$$. "He's a juice box hero, with straws in his eyes!"
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03-17-2010 18:03
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One of these days I'm going to run in to this Murphy dude who insists on making these messed up laws... and he's going to get knocked the F out!!!!
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03-29-2010 18:59 by Steve
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It said in the paper 'Sex pest wanted by Police', I rang up to see what the hours were
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03-31-2010 10:37 by Eddie
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Never weed wack poison ivy in the nude.
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04-05-2010 10:06
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Rock breaks scissors. But paper covers rock, and scissors cut paper! We have a conundrum. Search for paper... and bring me a rock.
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04-15-2010 03:28
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there anybody else alive out there!?.. is that a No? If no one answers then I'm just gonna assume that's a "No" and that I can walk the street to a local gas station at 2:00 AM completley naked..."
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04-17-2010 03:36 by naked man
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I was just asked to touch base with a female co-worker on a project. I hope it's 2nd base...
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04-19-2010 18:50 by Joser
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I'm so confused, I thought the Crip Walk was a marathon for gang members
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04-25-2010 13:22 by Joser
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Erectile disfunction commercials make watching TV with your parents akward!!!

stealing the greener grass from the other side
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04-29-2010 12:21
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

Why is it I always get on an airplane to ultimately get seated between someone that doesn't believe in deodorant and someone that weighs 300lbs? This is why people hate flying
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05-19-2010 13:41
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I explained to the doctor, "Whenever I harvest our cornfields, I get a really bad headache." "It's a migraine," he explained. "No, it's not, it's mine - and why the hell have you started speaking Italian?"

Dear BP CEO: You can have your life back as soon as you fix that pipe.
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06-03-2010 23:46
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enjoying a stiff one. A stiff drink, you dirty-minded people!
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06-05-2010 15:42
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Went to go check my Mega Millions ticket and got pissed off because the clerk sold me a Powerball ticket instead. Oh well I guess I'll just fantasize about winning 34 million now instead.
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01-05-2011 17:24 by none
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Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
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01-23-2011 01:15 by Steve OH
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