Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ghetto word of the day...before: 2+2 before!

   Things a pedophile might say: “On a scale of 1 to 10 how old are you?”

   You're 42, divorced with 3 kids and you smoke? Good luck with that...

   peeing in your Garden

   Seem we are experiencing an Atheist Appocolypse ... maybe we need to start stabbing knives in their skulls

   Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose your job. Recovery is when Obama loses his job

   celebrating Sheen-co de Mayo with some Tiger Blood!

   I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.

   You need space? WOW. I never knew you were an astronaut.

   It's funny to me when people say all blondes are dumb because not all guys are blondes!?!?!

   If I get pulled over in Arizona and the cop says "Papers" and I say "Scissors", do I win?

   ‎69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.,

   "I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol."

   Voting is like pressing the walk button at an intersection. It doesn't change anything, but if you wait long enough you'll get the white guy

   Obama approval hits 60%,most of that approval is that he is finally GONE.

   My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn't act the way he wanted.

   If you take god out of religion, it's just a bunch of people hoping their favorite football team wins.

   To be (horny) or not to be, that is the erection.

   Okay kids don't ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger's houses except on the day we worship the devil.

   UK - We call it Autumn, from the French word "autompne" and later, the Latin "autumnus" USA - WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAF FALL DOWN