Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Obama approval hits 60%,most of that approval is that he is finally GONE.

   My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn't act the way he wanted.

   If you take god out of religion, it's just a bunch of people hoping their favorite football team wins.

   To be (horny) or not to be, that is the erection.

   Okay kids don't ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger's houses except on the day we worship the devil.

   UK - We call it Autumn, from the French word "autompne" and later, the Latin "autumnus" USA - WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAF FALL DOWN

   The Burger King mascot, and the KFC mascot walk into a bar.... Everyone leaves because they're so creeped out.

   Do vegan mothers ever breast feed their babies?

   "Don't be afraid to walk away. Make crazy claims you can't back up. Blame everyone else. Whine. Sit in a big truck." -- The Art of the Deal

   Need to know if you’ve been the victim of identity theft? Give me your social security number and I’ll check for you

   Juan Valdez is more Patriotic then the Clintons

   People all upset about someone not standing while wearing hats about how America sucks and voting a draft dodger.

   OUCH!!! I just got bit by a Horse Fly with an over bite!!

   "The uıǝʇsuıǝ secret ʇɹǝqlɐ to ʎq creativity ǝʇonb is knowing how to hide your sources."

   Today's Weight-Loss Tip: Use Krazy Glue instead of lipgloss...

   Couples who exchange "sweet nothing" on facebook, stop it, every time you do that I kick a cat.

   If God is my co-pilot, then why do I keep crashing?

   The best person to get directions from is a 1 legged man...he knows the fastest and quickest way to get anywhere.

   Next time you try to look hot in your profile pic, check the scenery. There's a dookie in the toilet behind you! Not hot!!!!

   You`ve got to admire Emile Heskey , he has a disasterous world cup , he comes home , puts on a dress and wins the womens title at wimbledon......