Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
The proper response to "Good Morning" is "Yeah? Prove it!" 
pizza is the only love triangle I want
Happy belated birthday Jesus.
Vegetarian: An old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter." Vegan: An old Indian word meaning "really lousy hunter."
Super Bowl 48. Two teams from the only two states to have legalized pot. I can't guarantee who'll win, but I can guarantee that Frito-Lay is gonna make more $ than the NFL on this one.
"This was the best football game I've ever seen!" -Guy who's never seen a football game.
Hey you ok? I haven't seen you post a selife in like 5 minutes.
I will accept drink a case of beer challenge. . .
I don't think it's about religion anymore. Some people are just sadists, hiding behind the masks of religion.
Hey dad, where are mountain lions from?... *dad panics*... Uhh...you see, son, when a mountain and a lion love each other very much...
Peyton Manning: "OMAHA! OMAHA!....Aaron Hernandez: "ATTICA! ATTICA!
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you wagging its tail, you're in love with a dog & it probably just had to sh*t.
Sorry for chest bumping Chuck E Cheese so hard he fell down and broke his arm, but in my defense the Kidz Bop version of Enter Sandman came on.
Sex so good you forget to take a selfie.
Dear Walmart: If your employees "appear" to be incredibly overweight, they ought to know that fitting in to a size 2 gives the wrong impression of your organization. I do not enjoy viewing what looks like to be a belly button when I approach an employee.
If there was a tornado coming the first thing I'd do is update my status, If I'm not on here for awhile I'm not alive.... :P
The U.S military has plans for attacking Iran according to the Joint Chief of Staff. For details, go to Wikileaks.org
bought a new car and named it "Curiosity". The cats down my road have had it now!
When do you think Brett Favre will be retiring from making retirement announcements about retiring?
does't care what anybody says, there is just something fundamentally awesome about sporks 