Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What a sweet lemonade stand. Your daughter is going be a wonderful bartender when she grows up.

   From now on if you type, "LOL" you should have to submit a video proving it.

   The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.

   Please stop telling me how poor you are via Facebook for iPhone.... really?

   Goooodnight Vietnam !!! RIP Robin Williams one of a kind...

   Day 3 in the desert: I have somehow gained the respect of some birds as they are circling above me in some sort of protective formation..

   A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you're hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.

   RadioShack has announced plans to close 1,000 stores throughout the U.S. RadioShack customers were very upset when they got the news on their pagers.

   LOVE putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy, and it's fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.

   I have 2 missed calls from my mother. I think it's safe to say that by now there's a rescue team out there looking for me.

   Due to the economy......The 5 second rule has been upgraded to the 10 second rule. We just can't afford to be throwing away food....

   Hey, people who have those long ass names on FB like, "Kiesha HatersGonnaHateButI'mJustGonnaKeepOnBeingaBoss Jenkins," CUT THAT SHlT OUT!

   Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm using my hand, But I'm thinking of you.

   Oh, you wear a NORTHFACE Jacket ? You must go on sooo many adventures......

   Facebook should make it to where it says, 'Went from being in a relationship' to 'Problem solved.'

   Hell hath no fury like a Poptart that hasn't had time to properly cool off.

   When things don't add up in your life, start subtracting.

   There should be a mandatory day on facebook where everyone must turn off their spell-checker so we can weed out the retards.

   Pop up ads are the Jehovahs witness of the internet.

   WARNING: If you see posts offering free clips of Justin Bieber's new album, DO NOT CLICK. They link directly to free clips of Bieber's new album. Your welcome!