Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ❒ Single. ❒ Taken. ✔ Helping Mario get his biatch Peach back!

   I ain't sayin she's a gold digger, but she ain't messing with no broke white guy who's afraid to finish the rest of this lyric.

   Sometimes I think the human race would benefit greatly from natural selection (survival of the fittest).

   Why does Rick Ross rap about cars he can't fit into

   You call it "stalking"... I call it "giving you the attention you deserve"...

   My wife got a "mood ring" that turns green when she's happy,, and leaves a big red mark on my forehead when she's mad.

   either I'm not feeling to well or I just sat on a whoopie cushion full of beef gravy!

   people who criticize today's song lyrics never listened to Blinded by the Light...

   Every time I go grocery shopping, I ask myself what would Jesus buy. This explains my cart full of wine bottles.

   Hot chocolate is just normal chocolate that has a modeling career.

   has never been able to watch Finding Nemo all the way through in one sitting due to it's frequent use of the "N" word.

   The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "what's wrong" is proportional to the severity of the storm that's coming.

   Give it up, we get it... Your wife is your dog and your girlfriend is your hand

   Michael Vick announced that he is probably going to get another Dog soon! Dogs now are like ''Meow!''

   remember when you were a child, you used to blow bubbles? well he's back in town

   So whats the deal with all the Athletes, biting their GOLD Medals.... Is England's economy that Bad or are they hoping they are the Choclate filled Medals?????

   I wish STD's on all people who still say YOLO.

   Roses are red.... Violets are blue... I waited till the last second, and Hallmark was closed... So are you still mad at me or what?

   Thinking about getting the new iPad 23 that comes out today, but might hold off to next Friday and get the iPad 24.

   H.O.E.S = Happily offering everybody sex.