Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon has never been able to watch Finding Nemo all the way through in one sitting due to it's frequent use of the "N" word.
←Rate | 01-24-2013 19:08 by Prince Shawn Comments (0)  


   messageicon The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "what's wrong" is proportional to the severity of the storm that's coming.
←Rate | 08-04-2013 01:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give it up, we get it... Your wife is your dog and your girlfriend is your hand
←Rate | 08-16-2013 18:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Michael Vick announced that he is probably going to get another Dog soon! Dogs now are like ''Meow!''
←Rate | 07-21-2012 06:58 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon remember when you were a child, you used to blow bubbles? well he's back in town
←Rate | 07-24-2012 18:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So whats the deal with all the Athletes, biting their GOLD Medals.... Is England's economy that Bad or are they hoping they are the Choclate filled Medals?????
←Rate | 07-28-2012 15:46 by D Comments (2)  


   messageicon I wish STD's on all people who still say YOLO.
←Rate | 08-22-2012 04:04 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are red.... Violets are blue... I waited till the last second, and Hallmark was closed... So are you still mad at me or what?
←Rate | 08-28-2012 07:27 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking about getting the new iPad 23 that comes out today, but might hold off to next Friday and get the iPad 24.
←Rate | 03-16-2012 08:40 by Trunk Monkey Comments (0)  


   messageicon H.O.E.S = Happily offering everybody sex.
←Rate | 04-17-2012 14:19 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon ha here I thought LMS meant lick my sucker
←Rate | 12-22-2011 00:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever get caught soliciting a prostitute, I'm going to say "These aren't the droids I've been looking for!".
←Rate | 01-12-2012 13:44 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lost my Droid for an hour. The day I lost my daughter at the zoo is now the second most terrifying experience of my life
←Rate | 01-24-2012 03:58 by Tsparks Comments (0)  


   messageicon You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you learn, you've been hurt, but you're alive. You're not perfect, you're human.
←Rate | 01-25-2012 13:29 by @CandiLissa Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a woman is talking in the forest and no ones around to hear her, is she still wrong?
←Rate | 10-21-2011 09:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look dude I have no problem with the tattoo that you have. It's the instant attitude change that came along with it. Trust me you are still a pu$$y. Having a half moon inked into your shoulder did not change that.
←Rate | 10-21-2011 15:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just remember nobody's perfect...Cuz i'm sure even Mother Teresa blamed her fart on a kid or two...
←Rate | 11-13-2011 21:29 by bryan j brown Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dogs are tough I tell you...... I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who is a good boy.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 14:42 by Nobody Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend absolutely insisted that I come to her muder mystery dinner party, but then she died suddenly under mysterious circumstances
←Rate | 05-03-2012 11:34 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon ME: Monday ƪ(´~`")∫ Tuesday (-____-)"" Wednesday (⌣́_⌣̀) Thursday Ҩ( > ̯ < )Ҩ Friday (ˆ⌣ˆ)ง Saturday ~('▽'~) (~'▽')~ Sunday (˘ʃ_ƪ˘)
←Rate | 05-05-2012 16:00 by fadolo Comments (0)  




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