Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Oh, thats a picture of you when you were "younger"? ALL photos of you were when you were younger. Unless you have a time machine. Which you don't.
←Rate | 01-06-2016 09:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kim Jong Un unanimously won an election which had a 99% voter turn out. In other news, North Korea's economic report is out and shows a 1% increase in dog food production..
←Rate | 03-11-2014 10:53 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Listen Nyquil instructions,,, YOU are not the boss of me.
←Rate | 03-13-2014 08:19 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women keep making fun of my fanny pack but they feel dumb when they discover I have cupcakes there.
←Rate | 04-03-2014 14:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bail me out of jail, so I know it's real
←Rate | 04-07-2014 14:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On a scale of one to forgets to breathe, how stupid are you?
←Rate | 04-18-2014 06:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chocolate, candy and flowers def got her in the mood until she asked me where I got the pretty roses from.. I guess the Cemetery after work was not a good answer \ :O /
←Rate | 05-09-2014 00:30 by AJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon My worst fear is meeting my match.
←Rate | 05-16-2014 02:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We have great chemistry and amazing physics.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 12:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I woke up and I couldn't walk at 1st so I thought I had really bad cramps but then I realized I was just Lebroning!
←Rate | 06-06-2014 08:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking burns calories. This is why so many of us are fat.
←Rate | 06-08-2014 11:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For those of you who consider yourselves to be workaholics, I feel for you. I, too, know what it is like as I struggled for many years while hopelessly addicted to workahol.
←Rate | 01-15-2016 15:10 by Wasabi Comments (0)  


   messageicon This isn't a ' dating ' site. It's a ' gave up on dating ' site.
←Rate | 01-17-2016 09:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [working in garage]... "Hand me a screwdriver, son".... A flat one?.... "No".... [mixes vodka and Orange Crush] Here ya go
←Rate | 01-28-2016 17:49 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dating someone who didn't even finish high school is so risky, what if they leave you like they left school?
←Rate | 02-19-2016 13:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll be betting on The Pope for the Pope vs. Trump showdown.
←Rate | 02-19-2016 14:20 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I came out as a lesbian to my best friend a few years ago, this weekend I'm taking her last name because I am marrying her sister. Screw my homophobic ex "BFF".
←Rate | 02-20-2016 05:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A good way to handle when your kid asks, "Mom, what happens to me after I die?".. is to pull out a trombone and play "waa waaaa" in his face.
←Rate | 02-26-2016 08:29 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an a$$ tattoo tomorrow.
←Rate | 03-12-2016 16:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying beer and a ton of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 turned out for him.
←Rate | 03-12-2016 16:48 Comments (0)  




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