Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Advertisers – white heterosexuals still use fabric softener, buy insurance and walk their dogs.

   I may be getting older, but I remember back in my day, if you took pics of yourself to show all your mates, you were a faggot.

   Have you noticed that the "&" symbol looks like a guy dragging his ass across the floor?

   Duct tape: Turning NO!, NO!, NO! into mmm, mmm, mmm.

   Every illegal immigrant we catch here...We should harvest their stem cells, organs, bone marrow, bones,skin,and Eyes...Bet they won't be so froggy to jump the boarder when they see a guy with a dialysis machine standing there saying I want his kidneys!!!!

   "O say can you something something" - Donald Trump singing our National Anthem.

   why is that when you don't agree with anything Obama is doing his "fans" always come back with lame remark about Bush just cause you dont like Obama doesnt mean you are pro Bush ignorant fools.

   Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare. You're thinking of Jesus

   I was really jamming to the band playing at a recent gathering, so I whipped out my lighter and started swaying back and forth. The look of disapproval I got from the audience was worrisome. I guess this type of behavior is frowned upon in the Church.

   Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

   I'd like to take a moment to congratulate the Ieft on their conquering 2 cartoons, a box of pancake mix and a bottle of syrup.

   41 shot in NYC this weekend, 77 in Chicago, 24 in Atlanta. But it's ok... no need for the media to report it. There were no police officers involved.

   I failed my history test today. Apparently, "three centuries of inbreeding" is not the correct answer to "how did the american people evolve?"

   Mitt Romney suggests that those whom are in Hurricane Sandy's path escape to their second or perhaps even third home...

   "never on schedule, but always on time."

   I decided I wasn't bad enough soo from here on out I'm gonna bathe naked...Yep thats right Butt Naked...

   I'm going to go to the eclipse premier tonight and budge in front of every single girl in that line.

   I watched the new Supreme Court nominee on C-SPAN yesterday and honestly think he has the worst haircut I've ever seen.

   a man can do the world of good and never be remembered, but let him make one mistake and he'll never be forgotten

   doing the exact opposite of what his/her horoscope says.