Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4471 of 6446

It's not cheating if you let your girlfriend watch.
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12-13-2011 00:44
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Well on the plus side, there will be free birth control so they won't reproduce!!

: Aspire to Inspire before you Expire!
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05-22-2009 13:14 by Kasun D
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throwing a clock out the window seeing if time really will fly...
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03-15-2008 20:31 by I.k.
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now available with kung fu grip!
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11-09-2009 07:28
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got some new underwear today... well new to me anyway :-)

What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick
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10-25-2010 10:29 by KLA
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Michele Bachmann pulls so many bogus statistics out of her ass that she has to spend $200 million a day on Preparation H

...put on your Yarmulke! here comes Hannukah! it's so fun-nukkah to celebrate Hannukah!
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12-01-2010 09:46
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I was given 4 E's and LSD last night… Such an awful start to a game of scrabble.
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05-01-2010 00:06 by ANGELA
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tree up☑ cookies for Santa☑ Surface to Air Missile Systems all set up on my roof and ready☑>:) I wonder what Venison taste like?
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12-22-2010 20:03
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..oh dear. Some special ed class somewhere is missing a student..

...when two's company, three's the result...
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03-03-2010 13:32
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I see myself as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and says, "Oh look at that!" Then whoosh, and I'm gone... and they'll never see anything like it ever again... and they won't be able to forget me - ever.
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08-26-2010 23:35 by MBH
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it wrong to laugh at the flaming gay guys getting attacked by bees? What? It's funny!
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09-13-2010 12:22
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F to the you to the C to the K pretty much sums up my day
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07-12-2010 18:44 by Joser
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Can't stand when people quote music lyrics in their status. we know how the song goes, we already heard it 500 million times on the radio. but "Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars," "ops I did it again," "somebody call 9
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07-22-2010 13:43
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I love when doors automatically open for you, it makes me feel like I am a JeDi ;D
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08-18-2010 17:56 by BJLW
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OMG. A real girl in real life just tried to talk to me. I didn't know what to say, so I asked her what her zodiac sign was. That's good, right?
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08-05-2012 09:47
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I now have the same number of Tour de France titles as Lance Armstrong.
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10-23-2012 11:54 by SEAN
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