Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   hates being bi-polar. It's awesome.

   If I hear one more person saying the worlds going to end because of the Japan Earthquake...I'm going to pray from this day forward that God punches you in the face for your stupidity!!!!

   my husband said he wanted me to tease him, so I said "Alright, fatty." I guess that's not what he meant. :(

   I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

   quotes, "Life's most urgent question is: what are you doing for others?" ~ Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

   Heidi Montag + Micheal Jackson = Amy Winehouse.

   just received a coupon inthe mail: Buy one sock, get oneFREE! While socks last.

   thinks Toyota should use pringles slogan: Once you start, you just can't stop

   You don't have to be good at anagrams to see that Pope Benedict is an Epic Bent Pedo.

   life is like the Mets I just can't win

   The kids next door challenged me to a water fight . . . I'm just poisting this while I wait for the kettle to boil

   Today is my Friday, but yesterday was not my Thursday, because that's Thanksgiving and we all know Thanksgiving is in two more days, and tomorrow is not my Saturday, it's just Wednesday. Yesterday was Monday, not just in my world, but everywhere. Don't kn

   You take care of ME, I take care of YOU! - Mother Earth

   This weekend Skynet becomes self-aware and starts Judgement Day while Obama sleeps on the decision about turning it off. Meanwhile, the Terminator is running loose in California knocking-up anyone that gets in his way.

   These celebrity deaths happen in threes.... First Lil Wayne.... And we got Obama and Biden flying out of the country on Tuesday..... Cross your fingers guys.

   I remember 2012 like it was yesterday

   Pinocchio just gave a speech...

   Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have 5 fingers And the middle one's for YOU.,

   Sex before marriage is one of the sins that Christians say 'no we'll let this one slide'

   Men are born between a woman's legs and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in between them, because there's no place like home.