Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear God, If the world is going to end on Saturday, please accept my request for forgiveness for what I am about to do on Friday. Sincerely, Your Number One Fan

   I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

   I wonder how many times Jesus ran out of the room crying and screaming “You’re not even my real dad, Joseph.”

   I forgot who treyvon martin is already, please dont ruin my KFC's and Popeyes.

   Due to all that's happened so far this year, I have no choice but to deduct 2 stars from my original TripAdvisor review of Earth.

   OK Apparntely it's "Illeagal" to cover yourself with blue body paint and put on a pair of smiley face boxers and walk around Walmart claiming to be a giant bag on Halloween!

   A fireman runs into a classroom holding a screwdriver and yells: "Quick, everyone get out. This is not a drill!"

   Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he's being told where to deliver the ransom money.

   Betcha Slick Willie Brown has Kamala nude pics on cell phone

   wondering...DO SHEEP SHRINK IN THE RAIN?

   says the show must go on...please move on...enough of michael jackson in my news feed...

   Don't religious people have the same said "blog" where they can be stupid without boring the rest of US? How "Christian" to talk crap about others...religious people are some of the BIGGEST hypocrites and most judgmental people I know of.

   have a new theory! If you ran around a tree at 270,000 miles per hour you could actually "f**k yourself". Same theory would apply if we re-elected Obama again.

   We are slaves to the NRA....take a moment today and remember Newtown's victims.....

   changing the name of my ipod to "The Titanic" so when I plug it into my computer it will say "The Titanic is syncing."

   a flirt..but your boyfriend likes it

   God heals, and the Doctor takes the Fees.

   If only we cared for African humans as much as we cared for African lions.

   mad because the government stole my Weapon of Mass Destruction

   King Obama is not incompetent, he's brilliant. He is purposely overwhelming the U.S. economy to creat systemic failure, economic crises and social choas. There by destroying capitalism and our country from with in!!!! Pure and simple...